13 things I WON'T miss about Indonesia

1. Unwanted Attention
Those people who make fun of you in a language they don't think you understand, who say rude things and laugh with their friends, being pointed at or stared at is not appreciated! Easy enough to deal with on a good day, but when you're sleepy/in bad mood it's not gonna work out well. Not only does it make you feel awkward and uncomfortable, but it also makes you feel like a caged zoo animal.

2. Photo Mister!
I'm sure I have taken thousands of photos with strangers over the years. The first few times it happened I felt like a celeb and loved the attention but it quickly grew old. I can understand why people would want to take photos with me if we'd had a chat for a bit, but when a stranger comes up to me and the first thing they say is "foto Mister?" it drives me crazy. Joy and I have gone to lengths of running across a park, climbing some children's play equipment and speaking in Spanish to avoid awkward photos with strangers.

a few examples of photos with random people

3. Asian-style queuing
I don't know how many times someone pushed in front of me in a queue until I learnt how to be aggressive. If I know someone was there before me I'll let them go before me (Aussie style) but I get some weird looks from everyone else around me.

4. Being "interviewed" by strangers
Yea I don't know you but you're going to ask me if I have a husband, why I don't have a husband, what my religion is, what my salary is, what I eat for breakfast, what my home address is, my preference in men... But I've started just giving different answers every time. 

5. The struggle to stay healthy
Yea, good luck eating well in Surabaya. The preferred snack is gorengan ("fried stuff"). You can get fruit juice, oh wait it's not healthy because it's full of sugar and condensed milk. They even put sugary peanut sauce on their salad (gado-gado is awesome though) and drown their Pizza Hut salad in thousand island dressing (seriously, if you ever go to Pizza Hut in Indo, sit next to the salad bar, it never fails to entertain. I swear this should be a recommended activity in the Lonely Planet). Anyway, in Australia I'd stay fit by taking a walk in the evening, not so fun here due to points 1 and 2.... 
I am kind of dealing with this eating well thing by cooking for myself but still it's a trip to 3 supermarkets just to get my ingredients for the week (seriously took visits to 3 supermarkets to find a potato). It's not easy but definitely worthwhile.

6. Saying goodbye
Yea, it becomes part of the lifestyle with people staying for only a year. Some of the goodbyes were okay, but some were particularly gut-wrenching. Eventually you learn to have faith in the fact that if that person is important, you'll find a way to keep in touch but it still hurts like a bitch every single time.

7. The struggle to find alcohol
This never was a problem before but the laws changed and now buying beer is a nightmare. You used to be able to get it at every convenience store but now you've got to go to specific supermarkets every time you want to have a few chilled out beers after work.

Stocking up is important

As is taking precautions to minimise the risk of your housemates drinking your beer

8. Indonesian doctors
Doctor: You have sakit maag
Me: I don't believe in sakit maag so I can you give me a different diagnosis?
This conversation happens every time. It's either that or masuk angin (enter wind). And then they give you 5 different medications to keep track of EVERY TIME and some of them are for things you don't even have and every time I go to the hospital I just cry because of how hopeless it is. 


9. People smoking in nightclubs
Yea, probably awesome for smokers and terrible for everyone else. Coming home with hair that reeks of smoke and having to wash it 3 times to get it out is getting old to be honest.

Even the anti-smoking campaign guy makes smoking look cool so  what hope do we have?

10. The rain
The rain literally stops everything. Getting to work by motorbike in the rain is awful. Everything is awful. Everything! And I think once a year it seems to be so bad that it floods which SUCKS because the traffic is awful and you've gotta swim home because good luck getting any vehicle down the street. I do look pretty good in my raincoat/ astronaut suit.

11. Shoe shopping
I don't know why but shoe shopping is always a nightmare here somehow. My shoe size is pretty average in Australia but seems to be too big here as there are never any shoes in my size. 

12. Cockroaches/ rats
 I feel pretty sick seeing rats running around especially in my front garden. But having a cat makes me feel a bit better than about the rats, not that I know what my cat would do if there was a rat in our house, considering the rats are almost as big as him.

Having a rest after a long day of being responsible for keeping rats out of the house

13. Airports
I know I will still spend time in airports when I leave here but I feel like I've spent a significant amount of time to airports over the last 3 years as it is necessary to fly almost everywhere in this country. For starters, airports are horrible overly air conditioned places which are over-priced and boring. As someone who took 24 flights last year and expects to take at least 20 this year, I have lived it and I am over it. More often than not the flight is delayed but actually it gets to a point where you find out your flight is delayed 3 hours and you just say "Hooray! It's Lion Air and it's not canceled! It's only delayed!". 

Boy Crazy

I don't think the following information will paint me in a good light but what the hell.... 

Two weeks ago, I was in West Surabaya, my former home and the memories of my life there flooded back even though I hadn't thought about it all in so long.Please note that the following stories all happened more than 3 years ago. Yes, they may make me sound boy crazy (because I was). I have grown up a little (or a lot) over the past 3 years and my perception of the world is totally different. I previously felt that having a boyfriend was everything whereas now I have found happiness in more than a year of being single. So this is me, before I realised I was just fine on my own.


In August 2012 I found myself in Surabaya after I "followed" a boy here. That story is HERE. At that time I was doing my teacher training and often hung around with the people in the course and the people who run the course. One night we went for dinner at the Plaza Hotel. Venan (the guy I was sort of but not really seeing) came along too. Sitting at our table was a friend of my friend Adryan- a guy called Robert who was quite good-looking and very well-dressed. I couldn't really talk to him too much because Venan was with me but I found him very interesting. Venan told me later that Robert had asked him at some point during that meal how he "got a foreign girlfriend". 

Anyway, time went on and Venan pissed me off by lying about his age and then disappearing to Bali for the weekend (or possibly pretending to disappear to Bali so that he didn't have to deal with the aftermath of his lie). So, the next night I went out with the people from my course. After a couple of beers, I asked Adryan what Robert was up to and if he wanted to join us. 

Not long after, Robert showed up and we got talking. He actually was really nice and sweet. We decided to go to Colors after we were done in Sutos and Robert offered to give me a lift. So we drove there together singing songs in Indonesian the whole way there (man I'm just remembering that he was actually a fun guy too). We didn't stay at Colors long but he asked me if I'd go out with him the next night. I was a little drunk and told him I'd only go on a date with him if he took me somewhere that had es cendol (a traditional Indonesian drink/dessert). 

For some reason Robert was okay with this ridiculous condition and asked around for recommendations for places with es cendol (it's actually easier to find in Melbourne than Surabaya). On Saturday night, Robert picked me up and took me to a place called Kahyangan Art Resto which was really nice. I had a really nice dinner with him. After dinner I wanted to split the bill but he insisted on paying. I let it go. 

with my precious es cendol

the food that we ate

Next, we went to Citilites which is a fancy bar/restaurant on the top floor of the Java Paragon Hotel with an amazing view of Surabaya. I told him I wanted to pay for the drinks as he'd paid for dinner. 
"You can pay when I run out of money" he told me.
When I asked him if that would ever happen he just laughed and shook his head. That was actually a massive turn off for me as I'm an independent person and I like to pay for things too. 

After Citilites, Robert dropped me off at home. I guess it kind of fizzled out which seems kind of silly now because he was actually a kind, fun person. When I'm complaining about the guy who wouldn't let me pay for his drink and then went on to date some actual assholes it seems rather silly, but anyway it's done. I did meet Robert once more at the end of 2012, we went for es kacang ijo together but I haven't seen him since.

When I officially moved to Surabaya in November 2012 I was still in this weird boy-crazy state and was quite interested in the idea of finding an Indonesian boyfriend. Luckily due to being part of a very small expat community in a very large city I got plenty of attention from guys. The fact that I spent a lot of time wandering around alone aimlessly also made it easy for randoms to strike up conversations with me (that's one thing that doesn't seem to happen anymore). Just over a week after I officially moved into my boarding house in Pradah Permai I was walking to one of my favourite eating places- a small restaurant that sold many Indonesian favourites for 7000 rupiah (70cents). As I was walking a motorbike pulled up next to me and the guy driving it asked me where I was going. He offered me a lift and I got on his motorbike and he took me to the restaurant. I asked him if he had eaten and if he wanted to join me. I don't actually remember at all what this guy looked like. For some reason I seem to remember him carrying a backpack and I don't know why that sticks in my memory more than his face. I'm pretty sure his name was Joshua or Yoshua. Anyway, after lunch Yoshua/Joshua told me he was going to watch a movie and invited me to join him. So, obviously because I was brand new to the city I had no life/plans which meant I could go with Joshua/Yoshua. We watched a movie together in Lenmarc. Sometime not long after that Yoshua/Joshua either gave me a lift to work or picked me up from work, I have a vague recollection of this event. Again, it never went anywhere.

Maybe 6 months after that my friend Dila at work told me a guy called Joshua was in the lobby to see me. I couldn't even remember who he was until Dila said "He was that guy that picked you up one time". I don't know why it wasn't at all memorable for me. I told Dila to tell him that I had a boyfriend and he left. Sorry Joshua/Yoshua. 

I was kind of lonely back then, I guess a mix of homesickness and also the effects of living in a boring boarding house and being alone too much. I actually choose that boarding house because my American friend lived there. But we had very different schedules- he started work early in the morning and I worked late and we barely saw each other. I had a routine at the time. Every morning I'd walk about 30 minutes away from my boarding house, have some bubur ayam (chicken porridge) for breakfast and then walk back, stopping at a tiny food stall for a glass of hot tea and a chat with the lady who owned it and a man who worked nearby and was always there. At the time I considered them my "Surabaya parents". A few times in the evening I sat outside a photocopy shop on my street where a group of local guys would sit drinking arak (rice wine) and talking shit in Javanese every night. I didn't drink the arak or understand what they were talking about unless they spoke directly to me in Indonesian, but somehow sitting there seemed better than sitting alone in my room.

Outside that photocopy shop was where I met Dinsa. He told me he was 19 years old but I suspect he was 18. From the beginning he very interested in me. One night I went to karaoke with the photocopy boys and it was there that Dinsa asked me to be his girlfriend. When I refused he pleaded with me to give him a chance. Eventually, I told him that I'd get to know him and see how I felt which he seemed to take as a "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend". Ahh, language barriers causing awkward moments as usual. So, there was a two or three week period during which Dinsa and I would sometimes spend time driving around the city on his motorbike and eating together.

This was Dinsa's T-shirt. Interesting English there...

One night Dinsa asked me to buy him some cigarettes. He explained that he had no money and I felt bad for him so I paid for his cigarettes. For some reason I thought it was really cute that he asked me to buy them. The second time he asked it wasn't cute anymore and I refused and he seemed angry. One night, he invited me for dinner with a friend of his. I didn't know that that meant I was supposed to be paying for dinner for the 3 of us. I got really frustrated and felt like he only wanted to hang around with me so I'd pay for stuff. I sent him a text later that night telling him how I felt and that I didn't want to hang out anymore. Dinsa responded by camping out outside my boarding house until I'd go out to talk to him. 

Eventually after 2 hours I went out to talk to him. I felt a little scared of him because I didn't think waiting outside someone's home for 2 hours was reasonable behavior. While we were talking the security man at my boarding house came over.
"You can't have this boy in your room", he said.
"I know. We are just talking here" I explained.
"If you want to have sex you need to go to a hotel"
"We are just talking" I said feeling embarrassed.
"I can give you directions to a cheap hotel."
"No, thank you"

That security guard went on to ask a lot of inappropriate questions over the next week which prompted me to move out of the boarding house after only a month. Over that next week I just acted nicely towards Dinsa but also tried to distance myself because I felt a bit afraid of him. A week later I told Dinsa I was going on holiday to Bandung and I moved out. All the way from the west to the east. A week after I moved out he worked out what happened and I got a lot of strange facebook messages from him but since I blocked him I don't have any idea what he's doing.

Around that same time I met another guy. It happened accidentally. I went to Tunjungan Plaza with Dila who was actually the first friend I made at work. It was December I guess, as it was the first time we hung out together so it was probably in the middle of the Dinsa story. We ate at Hachi Hachi and I noticed him. 

He was a waiter and yeah he was pretty cute but I don't know that it warranted the fact that I acted like a giggly school girl every time he came near our table. I don't know why I acted like that. Maybe because I never did that when I was a teenager I had to get it out of my system as an adult? Anyway it was blatantly obvious that I thought he was cute. To everyone. To him, to his co-workers and probably to every person on all 6 floors and all 4 towers of Tunjungan Plaza because that's how ridiculous I was being.

I did that cool guy thing where I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper. Like in the movies (a move that should probably just stay in the movies) I planned to cooly hand it to him and say "call me" and probably wink or something. But actually, I couldn't because I'm not that brave. So we went up to pay and I planned to ask the cashier to pass on my number but I didn't have to because she had noticed that I was into that guy and asked if I wanted to meet him. I nodded and I was introduced to Bagus- I shook his hand awkwardly, handed him the paper with my number on it and left, trying not to giggle.

A date in Puri Garden- a ridiculous idea.

He messaged me, but didn't seem overly impressed with my behavior considering everyone at his work was teasing him for it. We did meet for one lunch at Puri Garden in Delta Plaza and it was really weird and awkward and there was no chemistry so it didn't work out. Probably for the best.

Not long after that I met Monkey who I went on to date for a year, who knows how many more stories like this I'd have if I hadn't met Monkey. To be honest, looking back on these stories I feel like it wasn't even me. I have grown up and changed a lot since then and I barely recognize that person as myself and for that I am extremely glad.

There's no place like home

One of the (many) perks of my job is that my work provides teachers a house to live in. It's a big house with 7 rooms, shared with other teachers. It's a nice house in a great location and overall living here has been a great experience. In the three years I've lived here, I've had 16 different housemates. Despite the many changes to the house, mostly it has worked really well.

The (incomplete) "people who have lived here" wall

In our house we also have a housekeeper/maid. Her name is Parmi and she's a really nice lady with an interesting background. Parmi only went to school for a year. She dropped out of school when she was 9 and was forced to marry a 14 year old boy. Her first husband divorced her because she couldn't carry children (which seems obvious to me seeming she was still a child). She went on to marry (and divorce) two more times. Later, she moved from Cepu, a village in Central Java to Surabaya.

She has a few interesting habits. Firstly, she seems to speak her own language. I guess it's a mix of her village's local dialect, Surabaya language and a sprinkling of Indonesian. Basically no one can understand her but that doesn't stop her. I've never seen anybody with such an amazing ability to speak to someone who has no idea what she's saying but she has long conversations with us everyday. Parmi's favorite pastime is cooking and the food she cooks STINKS! The smell of her cooking is one smell I can never wipe from my memories. I guess it's the smell of home. Her other hobby is watching super dodgy gossip shows (the ones that get their exclusive inside scoop from the celebrity's girlfriend's neighbor) and she enjoys reporting back on what the celebs are up to. It's always interesting to know what celebrities you've never heard of are doing! As well as celebrity gossip, she certainly does keep track of the comings and goings in the house. Everyday when I arrive home from work she tells me if I'm first, second or third to arrive. In the past, she had another favorite pastime which was terrorising our cat Raka whose name she never got right and instead she called "Rangka". There's a couple of meanings of the word rangka in Indonesian. It can mean skeleton or bones but that doesn't seem to fit such a fat cat. I always thought of the other meaning of rangka (frame or framework) so when I heard her talking, I heard this: "Hey Framework! Eat your food, Framework! Go to sleep, Framework". Our new cat isn't afraid of her yet.

Parmi and "Rangka"

But when Parmi's not up to her usual shenanigans, she finds time to do some unusual things. For example, not long after Joy moved in to the house, Parmi found a small bat that Raka had killed and put it on our kitchen bench. Yes, the same kitchen bench that we use to prepare food became a dead bat's home! Another time Ashley came out of one of the downstairs bathrooms holding a dress. "Whose is this?" he asked Joy and I. It was neither of ours. That dress migrated around the house a lot until we realised Parmi was using it as a mat for some reason. We had so many legitimate mats in the house already so I'm not sure why we needed it. That dress lasted a long time.

Overall though, she is a nice person who means well. I am grateful to have someone helping with the housework as I would really hate to wash the floors myself.

our living room- 2013

Overall, I have been blessed with high-quality housemates but unfortunately not everyone is going to fit in. There's been a few that haven't really adjusted to our house (to be fair this life isn't for everyone and that's okay). 

One of the difficult ones to deal with was Stinky Steve. He actually seemed really nice at the start so I was happy when he moved into my house. Actually, he wasn't so bad overall but he was a bit of a hobo and he hadn't seemed to have discovered deodorant. Some nights he would stand in front of a fan in the living room and it'd blow his odor straight into us. One day I ran into Stinky Steve at a cafe near my house and he asked me for a ride back on my motorbike, at the time I wasn't confident enough to ride with someone else on the back of my bike, so I asked him to drive. On the way home, the air blew his stench straight back into me and he was trying to make conversation with me but I couldn't even breathe. 

He was a bit of a dick when he was drunk unfortunately. One night he decided after a few beers that he'd listen to music blaring from his room while he was downstairs despite the fact that we were trying to watch TV downstairs. When asked to turn down the music or close his door, he refused causing drama (our house doesn't get a lot of drama so that really felt like drama). Two years ago at Christmas we did secret Santa in the house. He got me and bought the laziest present (a few bottles of Bintang beer which he gave to me in January) and them complained about the actual nice present he was given (a funny T-shirt). 

Eventually, Stinky Steve left the country (without even saying goodbye!) and then we were faced with the task of getting the stench out of his room before our friend Jules was supposed to move in. We left the door open, the air conditioner on, we sprayed stuff in there and even tried leaving plates of instant coffee in the room to absorb the scent but I'm pretty sure when Jules moved in it still stank like Steve's stinky ghost was haunting our house. Sorry Jules!

Several months ago an American guy moved in and that was the worse. Let's call him James. He arrived on a Saturday night. I let him into the front gate and he seemed to be all over the place. Immediately, he was yelling at the guy who picked him up from the airport. I tried to introduce myself but he was too busy going through his things, wandering around and making a cup of tea to even say hello. Finally he took a seat on our sofa and chatted to people for a bit. Right before he sat down the living room fan had blown an empty french fries packet onto the floor (I'd just had dinner). "Oh this is like a frat house!" he said looking at the one piece of rubbish on the floor. All I could do was exchange awkward glances with my other housemates. James had arrived a week before my birthday party and I invited him to the party, telling him it would be a good chance to meet a lot of people. He responded by asking when I thought the party would be over so that he could make sure he was out of the house for the full time. I guess he didn't even want to try.

He didn't seem to really fit in naturally as every morning seemed to be a struggle to get a taxi, with a lot of yelling at taxi drivers (in one case from outside my bedroom at 7AM). Despite this he complained about my housemates being loud on a Saturday night (seriously it's only ever loud here on Saturday nights despite the amount of people living in the house). Once he came with us to the swimming pool. As we were getting a taxi home he loudly said to the taxi driver at the start: "Do you have the right change? Because we aren't giving you even 1,000 rupiah more than what the meter says, okay?" which was really embarrassing for us (especially considering 1,000 rupiah is 10 cents and no one cares). As well as that he left food around the house, left the gas on, used up other people's coffee, cooking oil and strawberries without ever asking. He walked in on people in the bathroom (when the door was closed) on more than one instance and never apologised, accused Parmi of taking his food when he'd just forgotten where he left it and asked the same questions over and over again. 

And even worse than that I had to work with the guy as well. There, he did some interesting things such as tucking his socks into his work pants, leaving stinky fish on his desk all day which made the teacher's room uninhabitable and using the one computer in the teachers room (provided for the 10 or so teachers there) for at least 3 hours a day. Having to live with him and work with him was pretty much the most annoying thing ever. I was aware fairly quickly that eventually I'd lose my patience with him (understandable considering the fact he was around ALL the time). For two months I remained patient and then finally one day I'd had enough and explained that the computer in the teacher's room was supposed to be shared between all the teachers. I feel like I said it nicely enough despite my frustration but he didn't take it well. He told me I had a bad attitude and then went on to not speak to me or make eye contact with me for 2 weeks which was extremely awkward seeming we worked and lived in the same place.

But he left our "frat house" 3 weeks ago and I'm very relieved. I'm back to sharing my house with chilled out people. Things are nice once again. I'm grateful for the fact that the majority of memories in the place I call home have been pleasant ones. So, I'd like to end this post with a few pictures of some good/ interesting memories in this house:

Dancing in the rain, Christmas 2014 

Random street cat comes in and eats Raka's food. Poor Raka has no idea what to do.

The time when Gunung Kelud near Kediri erupted and we woke up to "Indonesian snow" (volcanic ash) all over our front yard.

Parking motorbikes in your house should be considered ridiculous enough but the best part of this picture is the mirror selfie happening right there (if you look closely enough).

(By the way guys, just want to talk a moment to apologise for the lack of action on this blog. The end of last year was rough and I just couldn't do it. But, I'm in a much better state of mind now and hope I can continue to write. Thanks for the support!)

10 unsolved mysteries of Indonesia

Even after three years in this country I often find myself confused and unable to understand what's happening. Here are ten things I still haven't worked out:

1. How do you sleep on a motorbike?

Indonesians seem to possess some unique ability to sleep wherever they want. Earlier this week, after an extremely delayed flight from Medan to Surabaya we arrived to find the airport staff asleep on the baggage conveyor belt thingy (what's that actually called?). I've seen guys park their trucks outside my house fall asleep ON TOP of their trucks. But this one really got me:

Found this guy fast asleep outside my house two Saturdays ago on a motorbike. How is that comfortable? And how do you not fall off? And, why?

2. Why would you call your first daughter Michelle and your second daughter Vryncess?

So many people in Indonesia give their kids weird names and I actually do have a student called Vryncess who is very smart and sweet... but that name. Weird as well that her older sister has such a normal name. I have also taught a girl called Baby (pretty weird saying 'have you finished your work, baby?' to a 16 year old), twins called Fili and Feli, a five year old called Lionel Richie (there's also a kid called Bill Clinton at one of our other schools) and how can I forget the ten year old named Seaman. Creative names are cool here I guess?

 (not my picture, but a great one all the same)

3. Why do Indonesian guys never give up?

I imagine this guy was thinking something like this " hay... hello... why isn't she replying?.... Maybe I'll say her name a few times?.. okay no... back to hello... hmm it's been more than a year since she replied... I'll try another language... why didn't that work?"  

Seriously bro, if I didn't reply to your 24th message why would I reply to the 25th? 
This is not the only guy who has shown this much perseverance either, so don't try to say that this guy is just weird, I can think about at least three other times I've been through similar things. 

(By the way, the reason I stopped replying is because this guy told me repeatedly that he'd leave his girlfriend for me even though he barely knows me and he has been with that girl since high school. Actually going to go ahead and block him now.)

4. How is the life expectancy so high?

So, yes the life expectancy in Indonesia is lower than Australia. Indonesia male life expectancy is 68.6 years, whereas Australian male life expectancy is 80.1 years. Yes, that is a big difference but it's amazing it isn't even bigger. Scenes like this are normal:

Many times I have seen tasks undertaken in possibly the most dangerous way imaginable. Safety seems to always take the back seat and people seem to use whatever they have to make whatever they need done happen. This mixed with high smoking rates, seemingly terrible healthcare (in my experience) and a high-fat and high-sugar diet makes me amazed that people live as long as they do.

5. Why are parents so annoying?

Just this Wednesday I was teaching a class of kindergartners. There is one kid in the class called Argha who is 3 years old which is in my opinion way too young to be learning English but anyway he is in the class. About fifteen minutes into the class Argha's mum came to the door holding him. Argha was in her arms literally fast asleep.
"Sorry miss, Argha sleepy!" she explained trying to bring Argha into my classroom.
"Umm, maybe you should wake him up first..." I said wondering why you'd ever try to bring a sleeping child into a class.
"Oh" she said. She looked at me like I had suggested a really great idea and took him outside. Seriously wanted to face palm.

I have other weird interactions with parents. Once during a parent-teacher meeting, a mother accused me of lying when I told her that her daughter was doing really well in class.
"No, Prima can't speak any English" said the mother.
"Actually she speaks English really well for age" I replied.
"No, I don't believe you, you're lying. She doesn't know any English."

Umm, okay...


6. Why is everything so complicated?
I've been trying to organise tickets to two different upcoming events in Surabaya this week.
Here are the processes to buy tickets:

Event number 1 (process to get discounted tickets).
-send a photo of your ID card and member card to a phone number.
-transfer payment to someone's bank account.
-send a screenshot proving that you have paid. 
-the person who you transferred the money to will pick up the tickets (I think)
-get your ticket from that person (not clear where from or when)
-prepare a photocopy of your ID card and member card to give to the venue on the night.
-enjoy the show.

Event number 2
-buy a certain prepaid phone card
-activate a certain internet packet on your card
-go to a random stall at the park before Friday and show them that you have paid for the internet packet (I think? Maybe? Still confused...). 
-you will receive a sticker.
-show the sticker to get into the venue.

Do they even want me to go to their event? They seem to be targeting a certain kind of attendee which I guess is people with a lot of time on their hands to do all these things.

This country is hard work...

7. Why are there modelling classes at kindergartens?

Kindergarten is a time to build social skills, develop some motor skills, get used to a classroom setting and if you go to this kindergarten it's time to kick start your modelling career and learn some presenter skills!

Yes, all the important lessons are covered here! And by the time you're finished here you'll be ready to strike a pose for your kindergarten graduation photo! Yes, you heard me right- kindergarten graduation!

Just, why?

8. Why do people want to live in Jakarta?

I know what you Jakarta lovers will say already: "good job opportunities in Jakarta... lots to do... exciting place blah blah blah". 

I get it the jobs pay well, better than Surabaya in many cases I'm sure. But people literally work themselves to death (google it, it's true!).

I also understand that Jakarta is fun and that there's lots to do and see, lots of great events and lots of pretty malls if that's what you are into. I get it, I've been to Jakarta four or five times and had fun. It's an exciting city, I get that feeling too.

But when it comes down to it, the traffic is just so exhausting and frustrating and stressful. The cost of living is far higher than Surabaya. The pollution is terrible. 

I don't understand how you physically wake up every morning and psych yourself up to go out into the world and waste hours in a traffic jam again and again and again. 

9. Is professionalism a thing?
So I was boarding an AirAsia flight to Malaysia in July and I got these messages when I was at the airport:

Translation: I'm Fitri. Airasia. Staff. When you get back to Indonesia, can I be friends with you? You're not mad right?

So basically, the girl who checked me in for my flight for some reason decided she wanted to be my friend and got my number off the AirAsia system and sent me all these messages. 
And it's not the first time. When I first came to Indo in 2011 my friends and I all got Facebook requests from the hotel and restaurant staff at the place we were staying. The only way they could have got this information is from the forms we filled in when we checked in. I never deleted them actually, still got the egg chef on Facebook. Hi egg chef if you're reading this...

10. What is up with this guy?

This happened on Monday at the Harris Hotel in Surabaya. I stayed for four nights this week with my mum and it's an awesome hotel actually. First day at breakfast and this guy actually went dressed in a robe. What the hell? Didn't seem like he had anything on underneath either. What? Why? What are you thinking mate? (Also, had an awkward elevator ride with this guy minutes after I was snapping these pics of him)

"Romeo and Juliet" Surabaya edition

On Halloween last year, I attended a scary event. I wasn’t scared about the Halloween stuff. I was scared because it was a goodbye party for one of my closest friends, Ellie. With plenty of beer to numb the pain and a cool “Captain Indonesia” costume on, I made it through.

Towards the end of the party I met a guy. His name was Terry (fake name) and he just moved to Surabaya from England. He worked for a different English course to me. Apparently there was some kind of drama between teachers at the two schools, but he was too new here to be aware and don't like to get involved with the drama so I was mostly unaware too. We chatted for a bit and because he seemed nice, we exchanged phone numbers. I left the party shortly after, saying an awful goodbye to Ellie. :(

Terry messaged me the next day. I thought his message was kind of lame, it was something like: “so I remembered your name, do I get a prize?” After exchanging a few messages he invited me to dinner.

So we met at La Rucola (a fancy Italian restaurant) one weekday night. I didn't really know if it was a date or just dinner but I didn't mind because at that point I thought he was a really nice guy.

We made small talk, mostly about travel. It was all good. Eventually the conversation got more serious.
"So I told my students about this date and asked for their advice" he said, at least confirming that it was a date.
"And what was their advice?" I asked.
"They said the choice in restaurant was good. They said I should pay and bring you a gift. But that would be seen as weird in our culture."
"Yea... probably don't take dating advice from your students."
We laughed  about it. Later in the evening, he informed me that he and I were like Romeo and Juliet. I questioned why and he explained that it was because of us working at rival English courses. He later said that was a joke but personally I don't think that's a great first date joke (kind of funny to me know though I guess). 
Other than that, he seemed fairly nice.  
At the end of the evening, we walked out of the restaurant. I went to get on my motorbike and he kissed me! On the mouth! Right there for all the people on Doktor Soetomo Street to see. I explained to him that kissing in public was not really cool in Indonesia and left.

We lined up a second date… Oh, that second date always seems to be the last date for me. And to be honest, from the beginning I wasn’t quite in the mood, it was another weekday and we met in Sutos for pizza and beer. Things kind of felt awkward that second time. I felt like we didn't have much to talk about after tackling all the small talk on the first date. Eventually, I told him I was too tired and that I needed to go home. He told me he’d walk me to the motorbike parking lot. I actually felt worried on the way there that he’d try to kiss me again but you can't really say “no, don’t be a gentleman, don’t walk me to my motorbike” can you? (maybe you can...) Arriving at my motorbike, I said goodbye. He told me he wanted to kiss me but there were so many people around.

“Just wait” he told me.

The guys directly opposite me couldn’t start their motorbike. The parking lot was busy I was sure we’d be stuck there forever if we waited for everyone to leave.

“Look I’m really tired, I gotta go” I said after 5 minutes of waiting.

“No one’s looking, let’s just kiss!” he said.

“I really don’t want to do that, someone’s going to see and it's really just not okay here” I said wondering why he seemed so desperate.

I put on my helmet before he could say anything else.

“See you later” I said and drove home.

I wasn't impressed with the second date so when he texted me inviting me to “watch a movie” at his place I declined. He sent a fairly dramatic goodbye message (kinda wish I hadn’t deleted his messages now, it was pretty good), something about wishing me a good life. The dramatic goodbye message was useless anyway, considering we're both part of a tiny expat community of Surabaya and of course our paths were bound to cross many times.

Fast forward a few months.

One Saturday night, my housemates and I had a house party. We don’t do that often and we had quite a few people over. One of our friends brought Terry with him.There were so many people around that I didn't really talk to him a lot though.

While everyone was sitting and chatting in our living room (including some people I had just met that evening) our cat decided to walk in with a live mouse in his mouth. After we shooed him outside things only got weirder.

A local guy (it later turned out he worked at a building site on our street) appeared outside our house and asked for money to buy food. My friend Billy handed him a small amount of cash and he complained that it wasn't enough. My other friend Joy handed him a banana, to which he looked deeply offended and shouted "whoa, I'm not a monkey!". This same guy kept coming and going. He was obviously drunk or on something. He came back once and yelled "can I touch your breasts?" which made me quite angry with him. I shouted at him to leave. He came back again with a guitar but never played us any songs. Towards the end of the night he decided that he wanted to clean Billy's car which was parked on the street. He took off his shirt and started wiping the car with it. Not satisfied with this, he actually started to lick the car and wipe it with his shirt again. All this time, Billy's car alarm kept going off. At this point Billy decided to leave.

Actually it was getting late so around that time most of our guests started to leave. The last remaining person at our party was Terry despite the fact that his friend had left. Terry had spent the party hitting on Joy and trying to get free drinks from random people. Joy and I decided to go into my room and just chill out for a bit. After awhile, Terry invited himself in and sat down. For awhile we were just chatting but then the topic turned to Bollywood films and somehow he ended up performing some kind of Bollywood dance for us. He started being a bit rude by the end and as I had had enough of his weird behavior and I actually stormed out of my own room. Joy told him it was time to go, she called him a taxi and he left reluctantly.

On the way home he sent me a message saying "You know, I used to like you but now I don't." Not the nicest thing to say, but I thought at least that would finally be the end.

I have seen him several times since then. The next time I saw him, he seemed to have forgotten what had happened. After politely making conversation with him despite not really wanting to he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him during the week. No chance.

Once I was at another bar with some friends. I spotted a friend of mine sitting with him and went over to talk to her. After awhile, I realised I had to say something to Terry. So I just said a simple "hey, how are you doing?" to which he responded by telling various embarrassing anecdotes about the mutual friend that he was with(he wasn't even in any of the stories!!). I pointed out that he didn't answer my question and went outside to sit with my other friends.

Soon after he came outside.
"Hello everyone, nice to see you all again" he said, shaking my two friend's hands.
"By the way guys," he continued "I just wanted to tell you that when I was 12 years old I peed myself once. Well, nice to see you guys again. Have a good night!" He walked away.
My friends were confused and I didn't really know what to tell them.

Overall, I don't think Terry is a bad guy, just a weird guy. Every time I see him, something weird seems to happen. Just last Saturday night, he stumbled into the bar my friends and I were at with a 4 prong walking stick (turned out he had a foot injury but a weird sight nonetheless). At one point he asked me to play pool with him and when I declined he said "Oh, you've broken my heart for the second time". Awkward times. 

And you know what? I'll probably keep seeing him every few weeks until I leave this place so this story isn't really over. I don't think it'll all end quite as tragically as Romeo and Juliet but I can't see a happy ending either.

Surabaya Undercover

Awhile ago I read a book called Jakarta Undercover. The book basically looks into the sex industry in Jakarta. But, to be honest I was disappointed by it. I think the aim of the book was to shock people but honestly I wasn't really shocked. Although Indonesia is a predominantly Muslim country and the culture is quite conservative, the weird sex industry is so easy to see. It's really there for all to see. I was also not shocked by Jakarta Undercover because many of the people I work with have been overly forthcoming when describing their own experiences. Let me save you time and money and give you Surabaya Undercover.



Despite the fact that prostitution is illegal in Indonesia, Surabaya once boasted the biggest red light district in South East Asia. It was called Dolly and operated from 1970 until 2014. The street seemed like a normal part of the city, with many people living there and other businesses such as restaurants, jewelry shops and convenience stores operating in the area. As you passed by, you would see brothels with prostitutes dressed up sitting on sofas playing with their phones as they waited for their next clients. Men would look in through the window and choose a lady. The prices were quite reasonable, between 250,000 and 300,000  rupiah ($25- $30) for a young woman. My  ex-boyfriend informed me that you could pick up an older woman for 40,000 rupiah ($4) at Wonokromo train station. I haven't gone to check out this fact.

Driving by Dolly used to freak me out a little but I actually drove by quite frequently due to the fact that my favorite Nasi Uduk restaurant was located in the neighborhood. Some of the scenes I saw driving by were quite shocking. Once, I saw a woman wearing a jilbab bottle-feeding some Bintang beer to a half-clothed lady by the road side. Another time I saw a children's train full of families driving straight down the middle of the street.

imagine this, cruising down the red light district

But, Dolly was closed last year and now it just looks like any other street in Surabaya. I drove by this week to check it out and although everything seemed to be shut, the parking lots were still full despite the fact that there isn't a lot to do there anymore. It all makes me a little suspicious that Dolly is still operating underground. But overall, the worst news is that the Nasi Uduk place closed down. :(

But it's okay, for those who still want some action, there are still places to go (oh god, I hope no one is actually reading my blog to find out where to go). It seems like the sex trade in Surabaya has moved online. Pimps use Facebook and BBM to find clients. Possibly, Twitter and Instagram too if you know the right hashtags?

And if you don't have a place to take your nice new lady friend, there's no problem. Surabaya has many two hour hotels that you can use! For as little as 50,000 rupiah ($5) you can enjoy these fine facilities! What a bargain!

Otherwise you can always visit the nice karaoke parlor in my neighborhood. It looks really dodgy from the outside in general. Once, I wanted to go to karaoke with some friends. When we pulled up out the front, the parking guy stared at me and asked what we were doing. When we explained that we wanted to do some karaoke he explained that it was for men only and that you had to book a room with a woman. A friend informed me that you pay the woman to pour your beer and flirt with you and you can opt to pay more for extra services. For future reference, only go to places marked 'family karaoke' if you want to avoid this.

But if karaoke isn't your style, you can always check out Colors Pub. I don't quite know how to explain this place...Try to visualise the most tacky nightclub in the world, now multiply the tackiness by 10 and that might resemble colors. Colors is a small smoky room, with a bar in the center and a stage set up behind it. This stage could feature a live band, a DJ or even better some girls dancing around in their underwear! The bar is constantly being lit on fire to help build the atmosphere but it just happens too often to be cool. The club is full of friendly prostitutes, dodgy white guys and Indonesians and Westerners alike dancing like they are taking the piss but actually that's just how they dance! I can guarantee by 1 AM at least one of the sinks in the bathroom will be full of vomit. And you'll pay $35 dollars for a jug of flat beer. You'll get (as a co-worker of mine put it) 5-star prices with 2-star service. What a beautiful place. 

Colors is however equipped with ashtrays next to the toilet.

If the nightlife is too shiny for you, you can also try the cemetery! Yes, meeting prostitutes at the cemetery is a real thing! I have heard this from many sources so I'm pretty sure it is true. At the start I wasn't convinced because the majority of Indonesians I have met believe in ghosts and are pretty scared of them. But I was foolish to let that change my mind. When I asked my ex-boyfriend about it he informed me that it happens in a Chinese cemetery and Chinese people don't have ghosts! Makes perfect sense...

And ladies, don't worry, I didn't forget you. There are male prostitutes in Surabaya apparently too! When I asked my ex-boyfriend about this he took me to the bridge on Jalan Pemuda near the submarine and told me that the young man standing there was a male prostitute. Look, I don't know if this is true because my ex-boyfriend isn't really the most trustworthy person (see my post two weeks ago) but he seemed pretty convinced. Anyway, I drove past the guy twice and he didn't seem to be doing much more than waiting but I still don't know if this is a true story.

Just be careful which time of year you have fun in. Hotel raids (to check marriage certificates) in Surabaya are fairly commonplace especially during Valentine's Day and Ramadan. You will get arrested if/when you can't prove you are married!

So, basically I'm not recommending or suggesting any of these things/ places but just thought Surabaya Undercover deserved to be written. Be careful out there.