10 unsolved mysteries of Indonesia

Even after three years in this country I often find myself confused and unable to understand what's happening. Here are ten things I still haven't worked out:

1. How do you sleep on a motorbike?

Indonesians seem to possess some unique ability to sleep wherever they want. Earlier this week, after an extremely delayed flight from Medan to Surabaya we arrived to find the airport staff asleep on the baggage conveyor belt thingy (what's that actually called?). I've seen guys park their trucks outside my house fall asleep ON TOP of their trucks. But this one really got me:

Found this guy fast asleep outside my house two Saturdays ago on a motorbike. How is that comfortable? And how do you not fall off? And, why?

2. Why would you call your first daughter Michelle and your second daughter Vryncess?

So many people in Indonesia give their kids weird names and I actually do have a student called Vryncess who is very smart and sweet... but that name. Weird as well that her older sister has such a normal name. I have also taught a girl called Baby (pretty weird saying 'have you finished your work, baby?' to a 16 year old), twins called Fili and Feli, a five year old called Lionel Richie (there's also a kid called Bill Clinton at one of our other schools) and how can I forget the ten year old named Seaman. Creative names are cool here I guess?

 (not my picture, but a great one all the same)

3. Why do Indonesian guys never give up?

I imagine this guy was thinking something like this " hay... hello... why isn't she replying?.... Maybe I'll say her name a few times?.. okay no... back to hello... hmm it's been more than a year since she replied... I'll try another language... why didn't that work?"  

Seriously bro, if I didn't reply to your 24th message why would I reply to the 25th? 
This is not the only guy who has shown this much perseverance either, so don't try to say that this guy is just weird, I can think about at least three other times I've been through similar things. 

(By the way, the reason I stopped replying is because this guy told me repeatedly that he'd leave his girlfriend for me even though he barely knows me and he has been with that girl since high school. Actually going to go ahead and block him now.)

4. How is the life expectancy so high?

So, yes the life expectancy in Indonesia is lower than Australia. Indonesia male life expectancy is 68.6 years, whereas Australian male life expectancy is 80.1 years. Yes, that is a big difference but it's amazing it isn't even bigger. Scenes like this are normal:

Many times I have seen tasks undertaken in possibly the most dangerous way imaginable. Safety seems to always take the back seat and people seem to use whatever they have to make whatever they need done happen. This mixed with high smoking rates, seemingly terrible healthcare (in my experience) and a high-fat and high-sugar diet makes me amazed that people live as long as they do.

5. Why are parents so annoying?

Just this Wednesday I was teaching a class of kindergartners. There is one kid in the class called Argha who is 3 years old which is in my opinion way too young to be learning English but anyway he is in the class. About fifteen minutes into the class Argha's mum came to the door holding him. Argha was in her arms literally fast asleep.
"Sorry miss, Argha sleepy!" she explained trying to bring Argha into my classroom.
"Umm, maybe you should wake him up first..." I said wondering why you'd ever try to bring a sleeping child into a class.
"Oh" she said. She looked at me like I had suggested a really great idea and took him outside. Seriously wanted to face palm.

I have other weird interactions with parents. Once during a parent-teacher meeting, a mother accused me of lying when I told her that her daughter was doing really well in class.
"No, Prima can't speak any English" said the mother.
"Actually she speaks English really well for age" I replied.
"No, I don't believe you, you're lying. She doesn't know any English."

Umm, okay...


6. Why is everything so complicated?
I've been trying to organise tickets to two different upcoming events in Surabaya this week.
Here are the processes to buy tickets:

Event number 1 (process to get discounted tickets).
-send a photo of your ID card and member card to a phone number.
-transfer payment to someone's bank account.
-send a screenshot proving that you have paid. 
-the person who you transferred the money to will pick up the tickets (I think)
-get your ticket from that person (not clear where from or when)
-prepare a photocopy of your ID card and member card to give to the venue on the night.
-enjoy the show.

Event number 2
-buy a certain prepaid phone card
-activate a certain internet packet on your card
-go to a random stall at the park before Friday and show them that you have paid for the internet packet (I think? Maybe? Still confused...). 
-you will receive a sticker.
-show the sticker to get into the venue.

Do they even want me to go to their event? They seem to be targeting a certain kind of attendee which I guess is people with a lot of time on their hands to do all these things.

This country is hard work...

7. Why are there modelling classes at kindergartens?

Kindergarten is a time to build social skills, develop some motor skills, get used to a classroom setting and if you go to this kindergarten it's time to kick start your modelling career and learn some presenter skills!

Yes, all the important lessons are covered here! And by the time you're finished here you'll be ready to strike a pose for your kindergarten graduation photo! Yes, you heard me right- kindergarten graduation!

Just, why?

8. Why do people want to live in Jakarta?

I know what you Jakarta lovers will say already: "good job opportunities in Jakarta... lots to do... exciting place blah blah blah". 

I get it the jobs pay well, better than Surabaya in many cases I'm sure. But people literally work themselves to death (google it, it's true!).

I also understand that Jakarta is fun and that there's lots to do and see, lots of great events and lots of pretty malls if that's what you are into. I get it, I've been to Jakarta four or five times and had fun. It's an exciting city, I get that feeling too.

But when it comes down to it, the traffic is just so exhausting and frustrating and stressful. The cost of living is far higher than Surabaya. The pollution is terrible. 

I don't understand how you physically wake up every morning and psych yourself up to go out into the world and waste hours in a traffic jam again and again and again. 

9. Is professionalism a thing?
So I was boarding an AirAsia flight to Malaysia in July and I got these messages when I was at the airport:

Translation: I'm Fitri. Airasia. Staff. When you get back to Indonesia, can I be friends with you? You're not mad right?

So basically, the girl who checked me in for my flight for some reason decided she wanted to be my friend and got my number off the AirAsia system and sent me all these messages. 
And it's not the first time. When I first came to Indo in 2011 my friends and I all got Facebook requests from the hotel and restaurant staff at the place we were staying. The only way they could have got this information is from the forms we filled in when we checked in. I never deleted them actually, still got the egg chef on Facebook. Hi egg chef if you're reading this...

10. What is up with this guy?

This happened on Monday at the Harris Hotel in Surabaya. I stayed for four nights this week with my mum and it's an awesome hotel actually. First day at breakfast and this guy actually went dressed in a robe. What the hell? Didn't seem like he had anything on underneath either. What? Why? What are you thinking mate? (Also, had an awkward elevator ride with this guy minutes after I was snapping these pics of him)

"Romeo and Juliet" Surabaya edition

On Halloween last year, I attended a scary event. I wasn’t scared about the Halloween stuff. I was scared because it was a goodbye party for one of my closest friends, Ellie. With plenty of beer to numb the pain and a cool “Captain Indonesia” costume on, I made it through.

Towards the end of the party I met a guy. His name was Terry (fake name) and he just moved to Surabaya from England. He worked for a different English course to me. Apparently there was some kind of drama between teachers at the two schools, but he was too new here to be aware and don't like to get involved with the drama so I was mostly unaware too. We chatted for a bit and because he seemed nice, we exchanged phone numbers. I left the party shortly after, saying an awful goodbye to Ellie. :(

Terry messaged me the next day. I thought his message was kind of lame, it was something like: “so I remembered your name, do I get a prize?” After exchanging a few messages he invited me to dinner.

So we met at La Rucola (a fancy Italian restaurant) one weekday night. I didn't really know if it was a date or just dinner but I didn't mind because at that point I thought he was a really nice guy.

We made small talk, mostly about travel. It was all good. Eventually the conversation got more serious.
"So I told my students about this date and asked for their advice" he said, at least confirming that it was a date.
"And what was their advice?" I asked.
"They said the choice in restaurant was good. They said I should pay and bring you a gift. But that would be seen as weird in our culture."
"Yea... probably don't take dating advice from your students."
We laughed  about it. Later in the evening, he informed me that he and I were like Romeo and Juliet. I questioned why and he explained that it was because of us working at rival English courses. He later said that was a joke but personally I don't think that's a great first date joke (kind of funny to me know though I guess). 
Other than that, he seemed fairly nice.  
At the end of the evening, we walked out of the restaurant. I went to get on my motorbike and he kissed me! On the mouth! Right there for all the people on Doktor Soetomo Street to see. I explained to him that kissing in public was not really cool in Indonesia and left.

We lined up a second date… Oh, that second date always seems to be the last date for me. And to be honest, from the beginning I wasn’t quite in the mood, it was another weekday and we met in Sutos for pizza and beer. Things kind of felt awkward that second time. I felt like we didn't have much to talk about after tackling all the small talk on the first date. Eventually, I told him I was too tired and that I needed to go home. He told me he’d walk me to the motorbike parking lot. I actually felt worried on the way there that he’d try to kiss me again but you can't really say “no, don’t be a gentleman, don’t walk me to my motorbike” can you? (maybe you can...) Arriving at my motorbike, I said goodbye. He told me he wanted to kiss me but there were so many people around.

“Just wait” he told me.

The guys directly opposite me couldn’t start their motorbike. The parking lot was busy I was sure we’d be stuck there forever if we waited for everyone to leave.

“Look I’m really tired, I gotta go” I said after 5 minutes of waiting.

“No one’s looking, let’s just kiss!” he said.

“I really don’t want to do that, someone’s going to see and it's really just not okay here” I said wondering why he seemed so desperate.

I put on my helmet before he could say anything else.

“See you later” I said and drove home.

I wasn't impressed with the second date so when he texted me inviting me to “watch a movie” at his place I declined. He sent a fairly dramatic goodbye message (kinda wish I hadn’t deleted his messages now, it was pretty good), something about wishing me a good life. The dramatic goodbye message was useless anyway, considering we're both part of a tiny expat community of Surabaya and of course our paths were bound to cross many times.

Fast forward a few months.

One Saturday night, my housemates and I had a house party. We don’t do that often and we had quite a few people over. One of our friends brought Terry with him.There were so many people around that I didn't really talk to him a lot though.

While everyone was sitting and chatting in our living room (including some people I had just met that evening) our cat decided to walk in with a live mouse in his mouth. After we shooed him outside things only got weirder.

A local guy (it later turned out he worked at a building site on our street) appeared outside our house and asked for money to buy food. My friend Billy handed him a small amount of cash and he complained that it wasn't enough. My other friend Joy handed him a banana, to which he looked deeply offended and shouted "whoa, I'm not a monkey!". This same guy kept coming and going. He was obviously drunk or on something. He came back once and yelled "can I touch your breasts?" which made me quite angry with him. I shouted at him to leave. He came back again with a guitar but never played us any songs. Towards the end of the night he decided that he wanted to clean Billy's car which was parked on the street. He took off his shirt and started wiping the car with it. Not satisfied with this, he actually started to lick the car and wipe it with his shirt again. All this time, Billy's car alarm kept going off. At this point Billy decided to leave.

Actually it was getting late so around that time most of our guests started to leave. The last remaining person at our party was Terry despite the fact that his friend had left. Terry had spent the party hitting on Joy and trying to get free drinks from random people. Joy and I decided to go into my room and just chill out for a bit. After awhile, Terry invited himself in and sat down. For awhile we were just chatting but then the topic turned to Bollywood films and somehow he ended up performing some kind of Bollywood dance for us. He started being a bit rude by the end and as I had had enough of his weird behavior and I actually stormed out of my own room. Joy told him it was time to go, she called him a taxi and he left reluctantly.

On the way home he sent me a message saying "You know, I used to like you but now I don't." Not the nicest thing to say, but I thought at least that would finally be the end.

I have seen him several times since then. The next time I saw him, he seemed to have forgotten what had happened. After politely making conversation with him despite not really wanting to he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him during the week. No chance.

Once I was at another bar with some friends. I spotted a friend of mine sitting with him and went over to talk to her. After awhile, I realised I had to say something to Terry. So I just said a simple "hey, how are you doing?" to which he responded by telling various embarrassing anecdotes about the mutual friend that he was with(he wasn't even in any of the stories!!). I pointed out that he didn't answer my question and went outside to sit with my other friends.

Soon after he came outside.
"Hello everyone, nice to see you all again" he said, shaking my two friend's hands.
"By the way guys," he continued "I just wanted to tell you that when I was 12 years old I peed myself once. Well, nice to see you guys again. Have a good night!" He walked away.
My friends were confused and I didn't really know what to tell them.

Overall, I don't think Terry is a bad guy, just a weird guy. Every time I see him, something weird seems to happen. Just last Saturday night, he stumbled into the bar my friends and I were at with a 4 prong walking stick (turned out he had a foot injury but a weird sight nonetheless). At one point he asked me to play pool with him and when I declined he said "Oh, you've broken my heart for the second time". Awkward times. 

And you know what? I'll probably keep seeing him every few weeks until I leave this place so this story isn't really over. I don't think it'll all end quite as tragically as Romeo and Juliet but I can't see a happy ending either.

Surabaya Undercover

Awhile ago I read a book called Jakarta Undercover. The book basically looks into the sex industry in Jakarta. But, to be honest I was disappointed by it. I think the aim of the book was to shock people but honestly I wasn't really shocked. Although Indonesia is a predominantly Muslim country and the culture is quite conservative, the weird sex industry is so easy to see. It's really there for all to see. I was also not shocked by Jakarta Undercover because many of the people I work with have been overly forthcoming when describing their own experiences. Let me save you time and money and give you Surabaya Undercover.



Despite the fact that prostitution is illegal in Indonesia, Surabaya once boasted the biggest red light district in South East Asia. It was called Dolly and operated from 1970 until 2014. The street seemed like a normal part of the city, with many people living there and other businesses such as restaurants, jewelry shops and convenience stores operating in the area. As you passed by, you would see brothels with prostitutes dressed up sitting on sofas playing with their phones as they waited for their next clients. Men would look in through the window and choose a lady. The prices were quite reasonable, between 250,000 and 300,000  rupiah ($25- $30) for a young woman. My  ex-boyfriend informed me that you could pick up an older woman for 40,000 rupiah ($4) at Wonokromo train station. I haven't gone to check out this fact.

Driving by Dolly used to freak me out a little but I actually drove by quite frequently due to the fact that my favorite Nasi Uduk restaurant was located in the neighborhood. Some of the scenes I saw driving by were quite shocking. Once, I saw a woman wearing a jilbab bottle-feeding some Bintang beer to a half-clothed lady by the road side. Another time I saw a children's train full of families driving straight down the middle of the street.

imagine this, cruising down the red light district

But, Dolly was closed last year and now it just looks like any other street in Surabaya. I drove by this week to check it out and although everything seemed to be shut, the parking lots were still full despite the fact that there isn't a lot to do there anymore. It all makes me a little suspicious that Dolly is still operating underground. But overall, the worst news is that the Nasi Uduk place closed down. :(

But it's okay, for those who still want some action, there are still places to go (oh god, I hope no one is actually reading my blog to find out where to go). It seems like the sex trade in Surabaya has moved online. Pimps use Facebook and BBM to find clients. Possibly, Twitter and Instagram too if you know the right hashtags?

And if you don't have a place to take your nice new lady friend, there's no problem. Surabaya has many two hour hotels that you can use! For as little as 50,000 rupiah ($5) you can enjoy these fine facilities! What a bargain!

Otherwise you can always visit the nice karaoke parlor in my neighborhood. It looks really dodgy from the outside in general. Once, I wanted to go to karaoke with some friends. When we pulled up out the front, the parking guy stared at me and asked what we were doing. When we explained that we wanted to do some karaoke he explained that it was for men only and that you had to book a room with a woman. A friend informed me that you pay the woman to pour your beer and flirt with you and you can opt to pay more for extra services. For future reference, only go to places marked 'family karaoke' if you want to avoid this.

But if karaoke isn't your style, you can always check out Colors Pub. I don't quite know how to explain this place...Try to visualise the most tacky nightclub in the world, now multiply the tackiness by 10 and that might resemble colors. Colors is a small smoky room, with a bar in the center and a stage set up behind it. This stage could feature a live band, a DJ or even better some girls dancing around in their underwear! The bar is constantly being lit on fire to help build the atmosphere but it just happens too often to be cool. The club is full of friendly prostitutes, dodgy white guys and Indonesians and Westerners alike dancing like they are taking the piss but actually that's just how they dance! I can guarantee by 1 AM at least one of the sinks in the bathroom will be full of vomit. And you'll pay $35 dollars for a jug of flat beer. You'll get (as a co-worker of mine put it) 5-star prices with 2-star service. What a beautiful place. 

Colors is however equipped with ashtrays next to the toilet.

If the nightlife is too shiny for you, you can also try the cemetery! Yes, meeting prostitutes at the cemetery is a real thing! I have heard this from many sources so I'm pretty sure it is true. At the start I wasn't convinced because the majority of Indonesians I have met believe in ghosts and are pretty scared of them. But I was foolish to let that change my mind. When I asked my ex-boyfriend about it he informed me that it happens in a Chinese cemetery and Chinese people don't have ghosts! Makes perfect sense...

And ladies, don't worry, I didn't forget you. There are male prostitutes in Surabaya apparently too! When I asked my ex-boyfriend about this he took me to the bridge on Jalan Pemuda near the submarine and told me that the young man standing there was a male prostitute. Look, I don't know if this is true because my ex-boyfriend isn't really the most trustworthy person (see my post two weeks ago) but he seemed pretty convinced. Anyway, I drove past the guy twice and he didn't seem to be doing much more than waiting but I still don't know if this is a true story.

Just be careful which time of year you have fun in. Hotel raids (to check marriage certificates) in Surabaya are fairly commonplace especially during Valentine's Day and Ramadan. You will get arrested if/when you can't prove you are married!

So, basically I'm not recommending or suggesting any of these things/ places but just thought Surabaya Undercover deserved to be written. Be careful out there.

Dangerous situations

People are always telling me about how dangerous Indonesia is but I think overall it is really safe. So, to prove how safe things are, here are the stories of basically everything dangerous that has happened since I moved to Surabaya.

My first month in Surabaya

On the 24th of November 2012, I officially moved to Surabaya to start my job at English First. On the 25th of November 2012, I was mugged.

It happened on a quiet street in the wealthy neighborhood in West Surabaya on a Sunday afternoon. I was walking alone, my bag carelessly slung over one shoulder without a care in the world and without a single feeling of danger. I stopped in at Indomaret for some chocolate Indomilk and with a smile on my face I headed down Darmo Permai Selatan V. I'd been walking for over an hour and by now I was only about 10 minutes from my boarding house. I smiled at everyone I walked past because I was just happy to be back in Indonesia. I passed two men on the side of the road and said a quick hello. I continued along and saw a motorbike coming towards me. I smiled at the young guys on the bike.

Two seconds later I was on the ground. I was disorientated but I felt pain from my legs and my left arm. Then I heard a crash and saw the two boys from the motorbike had fallen about 15 meters away from me. I felt really worried for them. As I pulled myself up from the ground picked up my broken sandals and broken necklace, I started to realise what had happened. I saw my broken handbag on the ground next to the boys. The boys were trying to get on their motorbike again. The two men called for help and quickly a crowd of 15 men gathered and they pushed the boys off the bike again. I stumbled to my bag and picked it up, still a little dazed. A woman quickly ushered me into her nearby restaurant and told me to take a seat. She brought me some water and some cream for the abrasion on my arm. I don't know what happened to the boys. I'm sure the crowd of angry men weren't gentle with them but I'm not sure if they got away. A few minutes later, the crowd of men walked to the cafe where I was sitting and asked if I was okay. Then, a nice man and his family drove me to my boarding house.

My Havianas and my necklace were broken but otherwise I had all of my things. I checked later and realised all I had in my bag was 30,000 rupiah ($3), my $20 phone, some lipgloss and some random pieces of paper, doesn't really seem worth it hey? In the end, I felt fine about the experience because it made me realise the need to be careful in Surabaya. 

Fast forward to the 23rd of December 2012. After a disagreement with the security at my boarding house, I decided to move into my current house in Ngagel (East Surabaya). A friend helped me move that day and not knowing the area I decided to go and explore. Having learnt from my mugging experience, I didn't take my bag. I instead put about 250,000 rupiah ($25) and my phone into the front pocket of my jeans and my ipod into the back pocket. I set out exploring the local area and actually got quite far. I got to the bridge on Jalan Sulawesi when I felt a hand on my butt, trying to take the iPod from my pocket. I reacted quickly by slapping it away and looked back to see a man on his motorbike. I turned into a quieter street and kept walking, now with my iPod in my front pocket. walking down that street, suddenly I felt a hand on my butt again and looked back to see the same guy. I screamed for help, but no one was around. Luckily, my screaming was enough to scare the guy away.

I think this was the first (and only) time I felt honestly scared in Indonesia. I could tell the sun was about to set and I didn't want to be alone in the dark. I started running around, I had no idea where I was or how to get home and my $20 phone obviously didn't have google maps. I was sure the man would come back again and I felt my heart racing each time I heard a motorbike. Eventually I found my way to Jalan Raya Darmo and flagged down a taxi. I didn't want to go home and be alone so instead I got a taxi to Tunjungan Plaza, sat down in Hageen Das and cried while eating ice cream. Ahh, my first few months in Surabaya were awful....

Despite two attempted muggings in one month, I'd still say these incidents are rare. Almost none of my friends have experienced any problems like this which makes me think that I was either very unlucky or just not anywhere near careful enough. 


Fights

I want to stress, that in general, Indonesians are not violent or confrontational people. Fights are rare but I have witnessed a few. I watched a NOAH concert in Sidoarjo in late 2013. Free concerts seems to attract bored youngsters out to cause trouble, as I have witnessed fighting at almost all free concerts I have watched.

In Sidoarjo, I was watching with one friend. A few fights broke out during the event but one of them really sticks out to me. Right near me a guy was sitting on his friend's shoulders and as he tried to get down he accidentally bumped a guy nearby him. This guy and his friends took great offence to this and a fight broke out a few meters from me. A young guy standing near me, reacted immediately by pushing me further from the fight and standing between me and those fighting. I think this really shows the general good-nature of Indonesians, as I would have never expected a total stranger to literally shield me from a fight. A few seconds later I saw the boy from earlier finally escaping from the guys who were laying into him earlier walk away with blood dripping from his face.

A more unexpected fight occurred a couple of months back as I was buying Siomay Jakarta from my local supermarket. I heard a woman screaming and every male in the shop rushing outside. A man emerged from the car parking area with blood dripping down his face. His girlfriend/wife/lady friend was crying hysterically. I still don't know exactly how two people started a fight in a local supermarket's parking lot....

Fire

Waking up to your housekeeper screaming is never ideal. 

One morning a small electrical fire broke out near the entrance to our home. Being early in the morning, Parmi (our maid) was the first to see it, and being hopeless in a bad situation, she dealt with it by screaming. Eventually she woke up my housemate Ash, who went around knocking on everyone's door and waking them up with a kind "You have to get up, there's a fire". 

So we gathered in the living room, not really knowing what to do. The fire was small, but it was next to the only entrance to our house. We just sat and talked, eventually brewing some tea. 

At one point some sparks flew from the fire and we all jumped. It was a stressful morning. We lost power for awhile but eventually some people came and put out the fire and everything went back to normal. Luckily that was the day of a long meeting at work and we missed it due to the fire. Best timing for a fire ever!

I actually witnessed one other fire. When I was studying to be an English teacher, a fire broke out opposite the school I was studying in. The flames seemed out of control and the fire went on for a long time before the fire brigade eventually came. I was excited to see the firefighters because I thought firemen where supposed to be hot? A very disappointing morning... But interestingly, even when the firemen arrived they just strolled in and had a chat first before putting the fire out. Ah, Indonesia- a country where even fire fighters are relaxed. 

The bull

Last year, my friend Oliver and I headed to Kenjeran to watch some Karapan Sapi. Karapan Sapi is a traditional kind of bull racing usually held in Madura. We were really excited to watch the races. There were a fair few people watching, but as the token foreign guests we stood out (as usual). Fairly soon we were invited over a megaphone to sit in the "VIP tent", but considering it was shady and had free snacks, we were pretty interested. 

a VIP tent selfie seconds before disaster

We saw a couple of races and managed to take a few photos. We sat in the tent drinking from a coconut, ready to watch the next race. Suddenly, things went badly. One bull somehow got away from its rider and ran straight through the crowd towards the tent we were sitting in sipping from coconuts. Thankfully the cow stopped when it ran up a policecar and smashed the windsheild. 


The scene was chaotic, I saw a mother running around frantically calling for her child. I saw some people lead away the offending cow. The policeman stood calmly by his car and took a photo of the damage without saying a word. Luckily no one was injured and the rest of the days races were called off.

So, overall I'm going to say that Indonesia is pretty safe if in over three years this is all that has happened. A fire, a stampede, two failed muggings and a few fights don't sound too bad to me actually. What do you guys think? 

The Monkey Saga

CHAPTER 1- BILKA SOAP OPERA

Let me tell you about a dramatic moment that happened not so long ago. In the evening, I stopped at the supermarket for a few ingredients. As I was taking my bag from the cashier at Bilka I looked up to see him standing only a meter from me, his eyes staring straight at mine. I stared at him for a moment, in stunned silence almost not recognising him. The look of shock on his face, no doubt mirrored the surprise on mine. It was like one of those moments on a soap opera, when someone sees the last person in the world that they'd want to see. If I were in an Indonesian soap opera, I would have fainted or screamed or ran away. But because I was in reality, I just said "hi", engaged in awkward conversation for two minutes and then went home.

I'd seen him a few months before that which was even more dramatic. He sat outside my house for more than an hour as I was trapped in my home waiting for him to leave. This escalated to us yelling at each other through the gate in front of my house. That evening he messaged me to inform me that I was now stupid, arrogant and ugly. Well, good to know at least?

During the nine months before that he messaged me relentlessly from his jail cell; asking for money, asking me to visit him and asking stupid pointless questions about my private life. 
It's hard to believe that this person was the same person I spent so much of my time with.

CHAPTER 2- SIMPLE BEGINNINGS

Let's call him Monkey (that's what I used to call him anyway). 

You would have never seen any of the drama coming if you knew him in the beginning. We met in early 2013 when I was brand new to Surabaya. He was a friend of my housemate and we met one night at my house. The day after we met, as I arrived home from work, he happened to drive by my house, which he has maintained all this time was totally by coincidence. He took me to a cheap mall to buy sheets for my bed, socks and a few other things I needed for my room. The fact that our first date was to Royal Plaza was probably a bad sign but I didn't notice at the time. From the beginning he promised to make my life easier and help me settle into like in this crazy city. It was all good fun for awhile- we lived cheap, frequented cheap food stalls and didn't drink a lot of alcohol. I loved it. It felt like a simple life. I saved a lot of money. If I needed something, he took me to buy it. We had good conversations, we laughed a lot and we spent our weekends taking drives around Surabaya. We also went on a few trips out of town together. We took long drives to Jember, Malang, Kediri and his hometown- Sumenep.

Of course there were issues. He was often late to meet me. And by late, I mean three hours late. But I just grew more patient. Cultural issues popped up here and there but at the time I was determined to make it work and that seemed like enough at the time. 

CHAPTER 3- THE BABY

In 2013, I had decided to fast for Ramadan. We scraped through 30 days together. One day, I broke my fast by getting angry because he decided we were "sharing" my motorbike and disappeared with it in the morning and I was later to work than I would have liked to be. Otherwise we got through.

On my final day of fasting, I woke up to a Facebook message from a girl called Retno. She told me that Monkey was her husband and that they had a baby together. She attached several photos of them together as well as one of the baby. Because he had been less than reliable and certainly dishonest, I decided to hear her out. She gave me her phone number and when I rang her, her story seemed legitimate.

When I asked Monkey about it later he told me I couldn't get angry because I was fasting but that she was lying. He swore that she was a jealous ex-girlfriend who was trying to break us up. At the time, I didn't know what to believe but decided to believe him. In the meantime, I got so many awful phone calls and messages from Retno that I had to change my number. 

Following that, she switched to Facebook stalking me, accusing me of breaking up her family. Each time I blocked her Facebook, she made a new account and started again. After awhile it died down and I stopped thinking about it.

A few months later, when Monkey was out of town I got a message from her latest Facebook account saying "my happy family back together". It kind of panicked me that she knew he was in Sumenep. But later, she attached a photograph of Monkey holding a baby which looked far smaller than the baby from several months earlier. Unless babies shrink, her story was rubbish.

CHAPTER 4- DISAPPEARING MOTORBIKE

Yes, my ex-boyfriend could also do magic tricks. He could make my possessions disappear!

One day, in late February 2014, Monkey asked to borrow my motorbike. I went out with my friends and came home by taxi that night. I drunk-dialed Monkey on the way home from the bar and asked him to come over. He showed up by taxi.

I asked him where the bike was and he told me he had lent it to his friend Harto. I wasn't really worried about it because I knew Harto but I explained that he shouldn't lend my things to other people without asking first. He said he understood and that it wouldn't happen again.

The next morning he went of to pick up my motorbike from Harto's place. I spent the day dying of a hangover and not really paying attention to the time. Soon, I realised it was the afternoon and I hadn't heard from him. He didn't answer when I called him, but an hour later he informed me that he had picked up the motorbike and stopped at another friend's house and that friend had borrowed the bike to pick up his brother. I don't know what happened to the "don't let people borrow my stuff" conversation.

That night I got more and more frustrated. He hadn't really gotten back to me a lot all day and I still had no clue where my motorbike was. He showed up to my house later that night saying his friend was missing and he didn't know where the bike was. I told him to go find it and went to bed.

At 6AM the next morning, He showed up. "I've been tricked" he said. No shit, you've been tricked and MY motorbike is missing. Apparently his buddy had taken my motorbike to Bangkalan, Madura and used it as collateral to get a loan of $100 and then used the money to fly to Makassar. This all sounds crazy, I know! So, at 6AM I had to go to the ATM to get out $100 to get my own motorbike back. 

Later that day, my motorbike reappeared. The next day, I broke up with Monkey (not surprisingly).

CHAPTER 5- SUICIDE

I tried to end things amicably, but it wasn't really possible. I was a mess for awhile, I think he was even more of a mess. He had my tablet and I asked him to return it. Every time I tried to set up a time to meet with him, he flaked out. I started to suspect he had already sold my tablet.

One day after work, I was having dinner at McDonald's with a guy. Monkey chose that day to show up with my tablet. He phoned me.
"Hey, I'm at the parking lot at Delta with your tablet are you coming out?" he asked.
"Ah, sorry I'm at McDonald's with Dila, I can't meet now" I lied, not wanting him to know I was with a guy, "Can we do this another time?"
"I just saw Dila out here! Who are you really with?" Bad choice of lie I guess.
"Don't worry about it, let's just do this another time."
I hung up.

I got a text message: I'm going to throw your tablet on the road. I called him and told him I'd meet him for a moment at the parking lot. When I got there, he had already left.
"No one cares about you, so you should just kill yourself. Your tablet is already smashed on the road." he told me when I called him on the phone.

I was upset and angry so I went home. So, I lay in bed, drinking tea and watching episodes of Daria. Monkey rang me repeatedly. I didn't answer his calls. After a few hours I heard a huge crash from the front of my house. A few seconds later Monkey stormed into my room "oh, I thought you killed yourself" he said looking disappointed to see me alive. I tried to get out of my room because I didn't want to be alone with him but he pushed me up against the wall and started shouting at me. Not long after, my housemate came in to check if things were okay and I got out of the room.

Monkey returned my tablet (which hadn't been thrown on the road) and as I locked the gate behind him that night, I wished I could lock him out of my life altogether.

CHAPTER 6- THE UNKNOWN 

2014 was a year of a lot of messages from Monkey. Sometimes, he hated me and threatened me. Sometimes, he said he loved me and begged me to get back together. 

He claimed to have been attacked by the guy who had taken my motorbike which escalated into Monkey cutting off the guy's finger (which he said he would bring to me as a gift). He claimed that his Grandmother had died and asked me for money to cover the funeral costs. Finally, he claimed to have been framed in a motorbike theft which resulted in 9 months imprisonment.

I don't know if any of these things really happened and I don't care to find out. Monkey still messages me. Just a few weeks ago he sent me a kind of disturbing picture (as below) on my birthday.

I don't know where he is, what he is doing or how his life is but I hope I never find out. My biggest hope is that the end of this blog is also the end of this story. 

Welcome to Sparkling Surabaya

I have to say, from my first trip to Surabaya with my friend Mel in the beginning of 2012, I wasn't really impressed. The moment we got in the taxi from the bus terminal, the taxi driver informed us that Surabaya was a dark place and that we should go to Malang instead. We laughed it off and continued on to a dodgy guest house in North Surabaya. (Side note: The guest house staff woke us up at 7AM to give us chocolate cake for breakfast. I don't understand you, Surabaya...)

traditional Surabaya breakfast?

North Surabaya actually was a dark place. The streets were dirty, I felt like my feet were constantly dirty. It didn't seem like it really could be the 2nd biggest city in the country because it seemed like the worlds biggest village. 

We ate in malls and didn't really do a lot because there didn't seem like a lot to do. Overall, it didn't seem like such a special place. The last night when we made a trip to Zangrandi ice cream which was definitely a highlight, but overall it seemed like a dull city. 

Surabaya seems like a city that doesn't even want you there. It seems to scream at you "what are you doing here? I hate you, go away!". And it will constantly push you away, make you feel awkward, inept and uncomfortable. At the time, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd ever return to Surabaya, let alone spend three years here.

But, it was only a few weeks later when things started to fall into place. On Valentine's Day, I was on the "romantic" cruise with the idiot from THIS story. Meanwhile, I received an online message from 25 year old Venan on Interpals (a website I was using to practice Indonesian). I didn't reply but he messaged again a few days later and eventually we started chatting. We continued chatting basically every day.

It wasn't really a romantic relationship but there was definitely a bit of flirting going on. We occasionally talked about the possibility of meeting in the future otherwise we never spoke about anything too serious. I guess I had a crush on Venan, but never said anything because meeting someone online seemed weird.

Skype chats

The whole year, I had already planned to move to Indonesia and when it got to the middle of the year and nothing had progressed, I decided I needed a holiday and to start making progress towards my goal. When I found out I could do an English teaching course in Surabaya, I was quickly convinced because it meant I could meet Venan too.

When I told him I was heading to Surabaya, he seemed really excited to meet me and told me he would organise a place for me to stay in and pick me up from the airport.

True to his word, he was there to meet me at the airport. I noticed immediately that he looked different in real life to his profile pictures on Interpals. Maybe the pictures were a few years old? The other thing I noticed immediately was that he reeked of cigarettes which is really not attractive.

Venan excitedly informed me that he had found me a luxury boarding house near my school, complete with hot water and air-conditioning. He drove me there and what I was greeted with was certainly not luxurious in any sense. To be fair, it wasn't actually the worst place but I guess it didn't live up to my hoity-toity Western standards. 

The wall was decorated with a Jack Daniel's poster, the toilet didn't quite work, the shower was a traditional Indonesian mandi (which basically involves scooping water from a trough and pouring it over yourself [actually quite fine when you get used to it]) and the hot water was made by the housekeeper boiling a big pot of water and putting it into the water trough (which I opted not to do). The greatest redeeming quality of the room was the TV which I used to watch music programs pretty much constantly. Anyway, I agreed to stay in the boarding house because I didn't have any other option at the time but I basically felt uncomfortable for the entire month I was there.

My view for one month

Living in luxury...

The surroundings

Venan and I hung out quite a bit but I have to admit he acted a little strangely. He'd come and see me straight after work, he'd go to a restaurant with me but not eat himself, then after an hour he'd tell me he had to go home. He often wore shirts with holes in them and when I asked why he didn't buy new clothes he explained that "food and stuff is cheaper when you look poor". Interesting...

We didn't spend a whole lot of time together but it was pretty clear to me from the beginning that there was no chemistry. Considering we never said anything about dating, I just continued hanging out with him like it was supposed to be a friendship all along. 

It seemed like a good friendship initially. When he was sick he even asked me to come to the hospital with him. That was an interesting experience too. When the nurse came to take a blood sample, she made me leave the room and closed the curtain. Several years before that, I had witnessed my ex-boyfriend in Australia have a hole cut into his chest and a tube shoved in to re-inflate his collapsed lung on our one year anniversary (weird stuff happens in Australia too).

One day, we were sitting in a food stall and I was joking around. I said something along the lines of "So, everyone lies online. What have you lied about?" I didn't suspect he had lied about anything but he immediately responded with an ominous "Do you really want me to tell you?". 

It was then that he went on to admit that he was 30 years old, not 25. To be honest, I don't think I would have cared how old he was had he just told me from the start but after finding out he had lied once, I wasn't sure what else he lied about and it's pretty hard to trust someone after that. He seemed frustrated that I was upset about his lying and announced that he had to go to Bali for work for the weekend (but I suspect he just didn't want to see me for awhile). Later, he told me that I couldn't be angry and that it was my fault because I believed his lie when he didn't even look 25 years old.

I got on with things and felt fine about it eventually. I met a lot of new people and felt pretty content in Surabaya without worrying about Venan too much. We still met up after that. Occasionally we even ate together but I spent more time with other friends. He dragged me to eat bakso (Indonesian style meatballs), though I was reluctant to eat it after a friend told me that it was sometimes made from rat meat. He spent a lot of time assuring me that there was no rats involved but then spent the meal sitting there repeating the Indonesian word for rat ("tikus tikus tikus...") the whole time I ate. This is probably why I feel a little weird when I eat bakso.

Not long after, I celebrated my 23rd birthday with a few friends, some cheese and a few bottles of Bintang beer. Venan showed up during our celebrations to give me a special birthday gift. He gave me a necklace, the pendant on it was the letter V. 
"They didn't have 'S' so I got 'V'. The 'V' is for victory" he explained. Sounds legit...

Then, one evening I met jealous Venan. I was at dinner with an American expat I had met and we were sharing stories about Indonesia. Venan wasn't impressed that I was having dinner with another guy (obviously not realising/caring it was just a friendly dinner). He then went on to send me 20 text messages, which he claimed was not excessive and seemed confused that I didn't reply to them all. He got angry at me for "cheating on him". It was then that I had to awkwardly remind him that we weren't dating.

Not long after that, I left Surabaya. He came to my going away drinks and we hugged each other goodbye and said that we would keep in touch. We didn't. I returned to Surabaya six weeks later but haven't seen him since.

So, it seems a little bad. Some people might say I moved to Surabaya for a guy. But really I moved to Surabaya because I was able to ignore Surabaya's voice when it screamed at me to go away. I was able to see past the rubbish on the street, the awkward cultural misunderstandings and meet people that gave me a reason to stay. I didn't move to Surabaya for a guy, I moved to Surabaya despite the guy. Despite the fact that the city seemed to hate me, at some point I fell in love with it.