10 unsolved mysteries of Indonesia

Even after three years in this country I often find myself confused and unable to understand what's happening. Here are ten things I still haven't worked out:

1. How do you sleep on a motorbike?

Indonesians seem to possess some unique ability to sleep wherever they want. Earlier this week, after an extremely delayed flight from Medan to Surabaya we arrived to find the airport staff asleep on the baggage conveyor belt thingy (what's that actually called?). I've seen guys park their trucks outside my house fall asleep ON TOP of their trucks. But this one really got me:

Found this guy fast asleep outside my house two Saturdays ago on a motorbike. How is that comfortable? And how do you not fall off? And, why?

2. Why would you call your first daughter Michelle and your second daughter Vryncess?

So many people in Indonesia give their kids weird names and I actually do have a student called Vryncess who is very smart and sweet... but that name. Weird as well that her older sister has such a normal name. I have also taught a girl called Baby (pretty weird saying 'have you finished your work, baby?' to a 16 year old), twins called Fili and Feli, a five year old called Lionel Richie (there's also a kid called Bill Clinton at one of our other schools) and how can I forget the ten year old named Seaman. Creative names are cool here I guess?

 (not my picture, but a great one all the same)

3. Why do Indonesian guys never give up?

I imagine this guy was thinking something like this " hay... hello... why isn't she replying?.... Maybe I'll say her name a few times?.. okay no... back to hello... hmm it's been more than a year since she replied... I'll try another language... why didn't that work?"  

Seriously bro, if I didn't reply to your 24th message why would I reply to the 25th? 
This is not the only guy who has shown this much perseverance either, so don't try to say that this guy is just weird, I can think about at least three other times I've been through similar things. 

(By the way, the reason I stopped replying is because this guy told me repeatedly that he'd leave his girlfriend for me even though he barely knows me and he has been with that girl since high school. Actually going to go ahead and block him now.)

4. How is the life expectancy so high?

So, yes the life expectancy in Indonesia is lower than Australia. Indonesia male life expectancy is 68.6 years, whereas Australian male life expectancy is 80.1 years. Yes, that is a big difference but it's amazing it isn't even bigger. Scenes like this are normal:

Many times I have seen tasks undertaken in possibly the most dangerous way imaginable. Safety seems to always take the back seat and people seem to use whatever they have to make whatever they need done happen. This mixed with high smoking rates, seemingly terrible healthcare (in my experience) and a high-fat and high-sugar diet makes me amazed that people live as long as they do.

5. Why are parents so annoying?

Just this Wednesday I was teaching a class of kindergartners. There is one kid in the class called Argha who is 3 years old which is in my opinion way too young to be learning English but anyway he is in the class. About fifteen minutes into the class Argha's mum came to the door holding him. Argha was in her arms literally fast asleep.
"Sorry miss, Argha sleepy!" she explained trying to bring Argha into my classroom.
"Umm, maybe you should wake him up first..." I said wondering why you'd ever try to bring a sleeping child into a class.
"Oh" she said. She looked at me like I had suggested a really great idea and took him outside. Seriously wanted to face palm.

I have other weird interactions with parents. Once during a parent-teacher meeting, a mother accused me of lying when I told her that her daughter was doing really well in class.
"No, Prima can't speak any English" said the mother.
"Actually she speaks English really well for age" I replied.
"No, I don't believe you, you're lying. She doesn't know any English."

Umm, okay...


6. Why is everything so complicated?
I've been trying to organise tickets to two different upcoming events in Surabaya this week.
Here are the processes to buy tickets:

Event number 1 (process to get discounted tickets).
-send a photo of your ID card and member card to a phone number.
-transfer payment to someone's bank account.
-send a screenshot proving that you have paid. 
-the person who you transferred the money to will pick up the tickets (I think)
-get your ticket from that person (not clear where from or when)
-prepare a photocopy of your ID card and member card to give to the venue on the night.
-enjoy the show.

Event number 2
-buy a certain prepaid phone card
-activate a certain internet packet on your card
-go to a random stall at the park before Friday and show them that you have paid for the internet packet (I think? Maybe? Still confused...). 
-you will receive a sticker.
-show the sticker to get into the venue.

Do they even want me to go to their event? They seem to be targeting a certain kind of attendee which I guess is people with a lot of time on their hands to do all these things.

This country is hard work...

7. Why are there modelling classes at kindergartens?

Kindergarten is a time to build social skills, develop some motor skills, get used to a classroom setting and if you go to this kindergarten it's time to kick start your modelling career and learn some presenter skills!

Yes, all the important lessons are covered here! And by the time you're finished here you'll be ready to strike a pose for your kindergarten graduation photo! Yes, you heard me right- kindergarten graduation!

Just, why?

8. Why do people want to live in Jakarta?

I know what you Jakarta lovers will say already: "good job opportunities in Jakarta... lots to do... exciting place blah blah blah". 

I get it the jobs pay well, better than Surabaya in many cases I'm sure. But people literally work themselves to death (google it, it's true!).

I also understand that Jakarta is fun and that there's lots to do and see, lots of great events and lots of pretty malls if that's what you are into. I get it, I've been to Jakarta four or five times and had fun. It's an exciting city, I get that feeling too.

But when it comes down to it, the traffic is just so exhausting and frustrating and stressful. The cost of living is far higher than Surabaya. The pollution is terrible. 

I don't understand how you physically wake up every morning and psych yourself up to go out into the world and waste hours in a traffic jam again and again and again. 

9. Is professionalism a thing?
So I was boarding an AirAsia flight to Malaysia in July and I got these messages when I was at the airport:

Translation: I'm Fitri. Airasia. Staff. When you get back to Indonesia, can I be friends with you? You're not mad right?

So basically, the girl who checked me in for my flight for some reason decided she wanted to be my friend and got my number off the AirAsia system and sent me all these messages. 
And it's not the first time. When I first came to Indo in 2011 my friends and I all got Facebook requests from the hotel and restaurant staff at the place we were staying. The only way they could have got this information is from the forms we filled in when we checked in. I never deleted them actually, still got the egg chef on Facebook. Hi egg chef if you're reading this...

10. What is up with this guy?

This happened on Monday at the Harris Hotel in Surabaya. I stayed for four nights this week with my mum and it's an awesome hotel actually. First day at breakfast and this guy actually went dressed in a robe. What the hell? Didn't seem like he had anything on underneath either. What? Why? What are you thinking mate? (Also, had an awkward elevator ride with this guy minutes after I was snapping these pics of him)