Boy Crazy

I don't think the following information will paint me in a good light but what the hell.... 

Two weeks ago, I was in West Surabaya, my former home and the memories of my life there flooded back even though I hadn't thought about it all in so long.Please note that the following stories all happened more than 3 years ago. Yes, they may make me sound boy crazy (because I was). I have grown up a little (or a lot) over the past 3 years and my perception of the world is totally different. I previously felt that having a boyfriend was everything whereas now I have found happiness in more than a year of being single. So this is me, before I realised I was just fine on my own.


In August 2012 I found myself in Surabaya after I "followed" a boy here. That story is HERE. At that time I was doing my teacher training and often hung around with the people in the course and the people who run the course. One night we went for dinner at the Plaza Hotel. Venan (the guy I was sort of but not really seeing) came along too. Sitting at our table was a friend of my friend Adryan- a guy called Robert who was quite good-looking and very well-dressed. I couldn't really talk to him too much because Venan was with me but I found him very interesting. Venan told me later that Robert had asked him at some point during that meal how he "got a foreign girlfriend". 

Anyway, time went on and Venan pissed me off by lying about his age and then disappearing to Bali for the weekend (or possibly pretending to disappear to Bali so that he didn't have to deal with the aftermath of his lie). So, the next night I went out with the people from my course. After a couple of beers, I asked Adryan what Robert was up to and if he wanted to join us. 

Not long after, Robert showed up and we got talking. He actually was really nice and sweet. We decided to go to Colors after we were done in Sutos and Robert offered to give me a lift. So we drove there together singing songs in Indonesian the whole way there (man I'm just remembering that he was actually a fun guy too). We didn't stay at Colors long but he asked me if I'd go out with him the next night. I was a little drunk and told him I'd only go on a date with him if he took me somewhere that had es cendol (a traditional Indonesian drink/dessert). 

For some reason Robert was okay with this ridiculous condition and asked around for recommendations for places with es cendol (it's actually easier to find in Melbourne than Surabaya). On Saturday night, Robert picked me up and took me to a place called Kahyangan Art Resto which was really nice. I had a really nice dinner with him. After dinner I wanted to split the bill but he insisted on paying. I let it go. 

with my precious es cendol

the food that we ate

Next, we went to Citilites which is a fancy bar/restaurant on the top floor of the Java Paragon Hotel with an amazing view of Surabaya. I told him I wanted to pay for the drinks as he'd paid for dinner. 
"You can pay when I run out of money" he told me.
When I asked him if that would ever happen he just laughed and shook his head. That was actually a massive turn off for me as I'm an independent person and I like to pay for things too. 

After Citilites, Robert dropped me off at home. I guess it kind of fizzled out which seems kind of silly now because he was actually a kind, fun person. When I'm complaining about the guy who wouldn't let me pay for his drink and then went on to date some actual assholes it seems rather silly, but anyway it's done. I did meet Robert once more at the end of 2012, we went for es kacang ijo together but I haven't seen him since.

When I officially moved to Surabaya in November 2012 I was still in this weird boy-crazy state and was quite interested in the idea of finding an Indonesian boyfriend. Luckily due to being part of a very small expat community in a very large city I got plenty of attention from guys. The fact that I spent a lot of time wandering around alone aimlessly also made it easy for randoms to strike up conversations with me (that's one thing that doesn't seem to happen anymore). Just over a week after I officially moved into my boarding house in Pradah Permai I was walking to one of my favourite eating places- a small restaurant that sold many Indonesian favourites for 7000 rupiah (70cents). As I was walking a motorbike pulled up next to me and the guy driving it asked me where I was going. He offered me a lift and I got on his motorbike and he took me to the restaurant. I asked him if he had eaten and if he wanted to join me. I don't actually remember at all what this guy looked like. For some reason I seem to remember him carrying a backpack and I don't know why that sticks in my memory more than his face. I'm pretty sure his name was Joshua or Yoshua. Anyway, after lunch Yoshua/Joshua told me he was going to watch a movie and invited me to join him. So, obviously because I was brand new to the city I had no life/plans which meant I could go with Joshua/Yoshua. We watched a movie together in Lenmarc. Sometime not long after that Yoshua/Joshua either gave me a lift to work or picked me up from work, I have a vague recollection of this event. Again, it never went anywhere.

Maybe 6 months after that my friend Dila at work told me a guy called Joshua was in the lobby to see me. I couldn't even remember who he was until Dila said "He was that guy that picked you up one time". I don't know why it wasn't at all memorable for me. I told Dila to tell him that I had a boyfriend and he left. Sorry Joshua/Yoshua. 

I was kind of lonely back then, I guess a mix of homesickness and also the effects of living in a boring boarding house and being alone too much. I actually choose that boarding house because my American friend lived there. But we had very different schedules- he started work early in the morning and I worked late and we barely saw each other. I had a routine at the time. Every morning I'd walk about 30 minutes away from my boarding house, have some bubur ayam (chicken porridge) for breakfast and then walk back, stopping at a tiny food stall for a glass of hot tea and a chat with the lady who owned it and a man who worked nearby and was always there. At the time I considered them my "Surabaya parents". A few times in the evening I sat outside a photocopy shop on my street where a group of local guys would sit drinking arak (rice wine) and talking shit in Javanese every night. I didn't drink the arak or understand what they were talking about unless they spoke directly to me in Indonesian, but somehow sitting there seemed better than sitting alone in my room.

Outside that photocopy shop was where I met Dinsa. He told me he was 19 years old but I suspect he was 18. From the beginning he very interested in me. One night I went to karaoke with the photocopy boys and it was there that Dinsa asked me to be his girlfriend. When I refused he pleaded with me to give him a chance. Eventually, I told him that I'd get to know him and see how I felt which he seemed to take as a "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend". Ahh, language barriers causing awkward moments as usual. So, there was a two or three week period during which Dinsa and I would sometimes spend time driving around the city on his motorbike and eating together.

This was Dinsa's T-shirt. Interesting English there...

One night Dinsa asked me to buy him some cigarettes. He explained that he had no money and I felt bad for him so I paid for his cigarettes. For some reason I thought it was really cute that he asked me to buy them. The second time he asked it wasn't cute anymore and I refused and he seemed angry. One night, he invited me for dinner with a friend of his. I didn't know that that meant I was supposed to be paying for dinner for the 3 of us. I got really frustrated and felt like he only wanted to hang around with me so I'd pay for stuff. I sent him a text later that night telling him how I felt and that I didn't want to hang out anymore. Dinsa responded by camping out outside my boarding house until I'd go out to talk to him. 

Eventually after 2 hours I went out to talk to him. I felt a little scared of him because I didn't think waiting outside someone's home for 2 hours was reasonable behavior. While we were talking the security man at my boarding house came over.
"You can't have this boy in your room", he said.
"I know. We are just talking here" I explained.
"If you want to have sex you need to go to a hotel"
"We are just talking" I said feeling embarrassed.
"I can give you directions to a cheap hotel."
"No, thank you"

That security guard went on to ask a lot of inappropriate questions over the next week which prompted me to move out of the boarding house after only a month. Over that next week I just acted nicely towards Dinsa but also tried to distance myself because I felt a bit afraid of him. A week later I told Dinsa I was going on holiday to Bandung and I moved out. All the way from the west to the east. A week after I moved out he worked out what happened and I got a lot of strange facebook messages from him but since I blocked him I don't have any idea what he's doing.

Around that same time I met another guy. It happened accidentally. I went to Tunjungan Plaza with Dila who was actually the first friend I made at work. It was December I guess, as it was the first time we hung out together so it was probably in the middle of the Dinsa story. We ate at Hachi Hachi and I noticed him. 

He was a waiter and yeah he was pretty cute but I don't know that it warranted the fact that I acted like a giggly school girl every time he came near our table. I don't know why I acted like that. Maybe because I never did that when I was a teenager I had to get it out of my system as an adult? Anyway it was blatantly obvious that I thought he was cute. To everyone. To him, to his co-workers and probably to every person on all 6 floors and all 4 towers of Tunjungan Plaza because that's how ridiculous I was being.

I did that cool guy thing where I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper. Like in the movies (a move that should probably just stay in the movies) I planned to cooly hand it to him and say "call me" and probably wink or something. But actually, I couldn't because I'm not that brave. So we went up to pay and I planned to ask the cashier to pass on my number but I didn't have to because she had noticed that I was into that guy and asked if I wanted to meet him. I nodded and I was introduced to Bagus- I shook his hand awkwardly, handed him the paper with my number on it and left, trying not to giggle.

A date in Puri Garden- a ridiculous idea.

He messaged me, but didn't seem overly impressed with my behavior considering everyone at his work was teasing him for it. We did meet for one lunch at Puri Garden in Delta Plaza and it was really weird and awkward and there was no chemistry so it didn't work out. Probably for the best.

Not long after that I met Monkey who I went on to date for a year, who knows how many more stories like this I'd have if I hadn't met Monkey. To be honest, looking back on these stories I feel like it wasn't even me. I have grown up and changed a lot since then and I barely recognize that person as myself and for that I am extremely glad.