What happens in Bali...

It's inevitable that almost everyone I meet in Indonesia will ask me my opinion on Bali and then act extremely shocked when I say I'm not a fan. I guess because I'm Australian, I'm automatically expected to like Bali. But in reality it's one of things I have found least interesting about Indonesia. 

Bali is a tourist nightmare where sellers will always follow "I give you good price" with a price at least 4 times higher than a fair price. And no one wants to bargain (everywhere else in Indonesia the bargaining process is even fun) and they don't care that you are speaking Indonesian or that you've told them that your wage is in rupiah, you still a big pile of money to them... People will use tactics like "I need the money because my husband is sick" and whether I think the story is true or not I will ALWAYS fall for it because it makes me feel guilty. And guilty is not a happy holiday feeling.

I just realised I haven't taken many photos of Bali, so you just get this one.

Bali is a place where "transport?" is easily the most common word you'll hear (on the other hand,you'll never have trouble finding transport, I guess?). You cannot walk along a street without being offered goods and services you don't want. It might not always be transport that they are offering. There's also the option of being sold souvenirs, tours, magic mushrooms or anti-anxiety medications (yes, you can buy Xanax by the road, just in case being on holiday was not relaxing enough). 

But these complaints are probably just typical of most tourist places. I think I feel very detached from Bali in general. I feel like just another tourist. I guess I have almost always had more fun while traveling when I've had a local friend to show me the side of the city they know. In Bali I have found it almost impossible to connect with any locals as: 
1. They only seem to want my money, not my friendship.
2. I can't even see a local person because all I can see are a bunch of bogans (sorry to any bogans I offend with this statement).

In saying that, I have been to Bali five times. I've seen Kuta, Legian, Seminyak, Sanur and Ubud and I can say I actually did quite enjoy Sanur, Seminyak and Ubud. 

I liked Sanur because the beach was clean, the food was good, the ice cream was cold and the people where not just disgusting Australians (they were Australian of course but not all of them were disgusting). And Ubud is chilled, though progressively becoming overwhelmingly touristy as well. But last time I was in Ubud I took a cooking course and the people running it were easily the nicest Balinese people I've ever met, it gave me hope.

making satay like a pro

Now, let's move on to Kuta/ Legian. For those who haven't been there, I'll try to describe these places as neutrally as I can. Basically both are the same- dirty, over-priced, crime-ridden stressful and full of the kind of Australians you wouldn't want to touch with a 10-foot pole. Kuta Beach is probably the second worst beach I have ever seen in Indonesia (only a small step up from Kenjeran Beach, Surabaya) but it is always full of (Australian) people who seem to think it's cool. I don't get it! And people always comment on the colour of my skin like "Oh, you're so white, you must have just arrived." so I just say "I've lived here for three years but I actually own sunblock" and it isn't even understandable to them, probably because they are too drunk to deal with such complicated ideas. 

My friend Mel and I stayed in a crappy hotel in Kuta once before flying back to Australia. We just wanted something cheap and the rooms were terrible but there was a huge swimming pool in the middle of the grounds and that was really all we needed. So we spent our time in the pool rather than in the room. 

One day we were in the pool with a group of young guys from Jakarta and a middle-aged Polish man. The Polish man was swimming in his underwear which is already super gross. One of the boys from Jakarta who was probably 18 or 19 years old couldn't swim and stayed in the shallow children's pool. He seemed quite nervous and uncomfortable in the water. The Polish man kept trying to push his head under the water calling this a "swimming lesson" which was really annoying me because it was actually freaking the kid out.

I got into a conversation with the Polish dude
Him: Where are you from?
Me: I'm Australian!
Him: No you aren't. Your skin is white. Australian's are tanned!
Me: Haha, I'm very white but I am Australian.
Him: No you can't be. What about your parents?
Me: They're Australian!
Him: No! Where are they from?
Me: Australia!
Him: And your grandparents? They aren't Australian!
Me: They were born in Australia....
Him: No. You are Russian!
Me: I'm really Australian....
Him: Why are you white???
Me: You can't ask someone why they are white!
Him: You are a Russian girl! You are white! I know Russian girls because I live near Russia!

This went on for a long time. He became increasingly loud and rude.

Weirdly the next day we were eating in a restaurant and a band were playing. A random man went up to the band to request a song. As he passed me he said something to me in another language. I was confused at the time. When he went up to the band they asked him over the microphone where he was from. Turns out he was Russian, so I guess he spoke to me in Russian? Maybe I did look Russian back then...

My first trip to Bali in 2011- I didn't realise there was no pollution in Bali to keep me from getting sun burnt. Yes, there is a positive side to pollution.

Anyway during our trip to Bali we went to Skygarden one night. It's a very famous club in Legian. I don't really like nightclubs but as far as nightclubs go, it's one of the worst.

The night that we were there, we got free entry and two free drinks. Any Indonesians that wanted to go in had to pay to enter and weren't even allowed to go up to the top level. I thought that was totally unfair and also I don't see the point of going to Indonesia and not hanging out with Indonesians so I wasn't impressed.

Many of the people in Skygarden were disgusting. The dance floor was full of drunk people staggering around. We met a bunch of Australians who first told us that they'd never been to Mebourne. Next, they told a fun anecdote about how they tried magic mushrooms and woke up with their hotel room covered in blood. Later, they started bragging about how successful the band they play in was and how many people came to their gig in Melbourne. I guess they didn't remember saying they'd never been to Melbourne. Cool... When we spoke of our travels across Java and Lombok people seemed to say the same thing "Oh I wish I could do that!" but actually anyone could do that if they were willing to leave Kuta Beach long enough...

Skygarden had a sign on the wall saying that due to a large amount of theft in the club they had three undercover security guards in the club but considering Indonesians weren't allowed in that area, you could quickly pick out the 3 undercover guards-the only three Indonesians people on the dance floor. We danced near one of those guys, for safety I guess. But, safe to say, we didn't last long at Skygarden and we went home early due to the fact that we couldn't tolerate it any longer. 

But actually, I went to Skygarden again at the start of this year and it was much better (possibly due to the fact that I didn't speak to anyone there except for the people I was with). And the highlight was that I saw a Rhonda lookalike and I think she must have been there looking for Ketut (If you're not Australian, let me fill you in- Rhonda is this really safe driver who saved so much money on her car insurance that she went to Bali. In Bali she met her soulmate, Ketut. I'm leaving out a lot of details but trust me, it's pretty much the greatest love story I've ever heard. Just watch the video... you won't regret it.).

Anyway, the Rhonda lookalike was there with her daughter, and I think Rhonda was looking for her own Ketut but I guess she was having trouble finding him and she had to try speaking to a lot of different guys to find him. The daughter looked pretty embarrassed but I'm pretty sure all the Australians in the room really were rooting for Rhonda to find her soulmate. I did see some pretty questionable characters in Skygarden, but I wasn't annoyed by them because I didn't have to talk to them.

Skygarden- take 2

Last week I went to Bali again, I'd like to say it'd be my last visit but I'm pretty sure it won't. I had a midnight flight to Melbourne so I decided it'd be a great plan to get an early flight to Bali and spend my Friday there. So, I got up at 5AM (which is ridiculous) to get my 7:30 flight. I'd already been having trouble sleeping for about 2 weeks, so safe to say I was tired. The whole day was me being tired. I left my luggage at the luggage storage place at the airport and walked out of the airport to find a Go-Jek. That was pretty easy and I got to Seminyak for 18,000 rupiah ($1.80ish) so that's pretty cool. So I started with lunch at a little cafe, then I went for a massage. The day started well.

Things went downhill when I decided I wanted my nails painted. I chose bright green for my toenails and yellow for my fingernails. I don't really care what colour and just decided to try something new. Anyway, there was one girl painting my toenails and another doing my fingernails. I guess they didn't realise that I could speak Indonesian because they kept talking about me. 
"These colours are bad, they don't suit her at all" said one girl in Indonesian.
They giggled.
"Do you like the nails?" the girl asked in English, "you can change the colour if you want."
"I love the colour" I said.
"Her shirt is red... That's an ugly shirt. And the nails don't match" the girl continued in Indonesian.
They giggled again. I felt a little angry at the girls but I just sat there and said nothing.
"Nice colours" the girl said in English "most people don't like these colours you know".
"Well, I like bright colours." I said and smiled. 
They switched back to Indonesian.
"This girl is stupid and really ugly." The girl said while laughing loudly. Her friend found that comment hilarious.
At that point, I wasn't angry anymore and I found the whole situation quite comical. I felt like I was hiding a big secret and it was kind of funny to just sit and laugh while they were being like that.
"I really like your nails" I said to one of the girls, "you're really pretty."
They spent the rest of the time I was there laughing at my yellow nail polish and I spent the rest of the time laughing to myself because I can't even imagining caring about someone else's nail polish colour so much. 

When it was time to leave I thought about saying something in Indonesian to make it clear that I understood what was going on. I stood there for a moment and tried to work out what to say but I decided to leave because reacting to their stupidity seemed pretty pointless and I realised I didn't really have to care about or respond to what they were saying.

Is it that awful? Was it worth all that trouble? I actually think my nails look cool and they even match my iPod.

I spent the afternoon in Potato Head- eating, drinking and watching the sunset. The day was okay (although it was completely exhausting) but I don't think I'm interested in ever returning to Seminyak. I was actually more comfortable in the airport that I was at Seminyak so that says a lot. 

I apologise for such a negative summary of Bali. I guess Bali just isn't for me? I don't think Bali would be too offended though because everyone else who goes there seems to love it. But even so, I didn't mean to hate on Bali so much and now I can't really think of anything redeeming to say. So, the best I can do is leave on this: a picture of a beautiful Bali sunset last Friday night. 

Thank you for reading guys.