Adorable & ridiculous stuff my students said

I love my job. Being a teacher is an absolute joy. I find myself heading to every lesson full of excitement, looking forward to the endless possibilities of the day. And considering my students are the most hilarious, creative and fun people in the world. It's fair enough. 

This week has been super heavy, so let me bring you something light and uncomplicated for once. Enjoy, a random selection of random words from wonderful students. ♡

4 year old: Miss, look at my shoes!
Me: Yes, very nice shoes!
4 year old: No, look with your nose!!!

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After my 5 year old student came back from holiday:
"Miss Sam, I went to Australia and I couldn't see your house ANYWHERE!"

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*walking around the classroom while my students do a speaking activity*
(adult) student: And I was just thinking "why the hell is she in my dream?"
Me: That sounds interesting. What are you guys talking about?
Student: I'm just telling him about my first wet dream.
Me: what?

when you forget your teacher's name, this will do

16 year old boy: When I'm older I want to be rich, but not just with my parents money.

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Student 1: I spy with my little eye something that is black.
Student 2: Your hair? Your face? Your penis?
Me: guys...

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Me: Guys, after today you'll have a new teacher. I'm going to teach in Hong Kong and I won't work here again.
Student 1: What? But I wanted you to teach my little brother! You taught me since I was 4. Now he is 4!
Student 2: Will you forget us? *starts crying*
Student 3: *makes fart sounds* Miss Sam farted! Did you guys hear that? Ohhh, it really stinks!

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4 year old: *holding middle finger up an inch from my face* miss, look at my finger!
Me: *trying to keep a straight face so a room full of 4 year olds don't learn how to flip someone off* Oh no, there's a cut. Are you okay?

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*young guy walks past the classroom*
Me: (talking rubbish because I thought my students couldn't understand) Ohh, that guy is handsome.
6 year old : Do you love him Miss?
Me: No, I don't know him.
6 year old: If you love him, you should tell him.
Me: I don't love him, I've never seen him before.
6 year old: Just tell him Miss! Don't be shy! You have to believe in yourself!

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Me: How's things?
8 year old student: Things are fine but your hair is not.
Me: What's wrong with it?
8 year old student: It looks like you've given up. Like you've stopped trying.

time for a spelling review...

After teaching my 6-8 year old students to make "Are you..." questions, they were writing questions like "are you friendly?" and "are you funny?". Suddenly, one kid decided to write "are you sexy body?". Suddenly he turned to me and yelled: "Miss Sam, are you sexy body?" which was followed by two full minutes of him and another boy dancing around loudly chanting "Sexy body! Sexy body! Sexy body!". Nothing I said would make them stop. 

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9 year old student: My teacher told me to spell "does" D-O-S-E.
Me: I think your teacher made a mistake.
9 year old: Oh...
Me: Sometimes teachers are wrong.
9 year old: Sometimes teachers are morons
Me: What? That's not very nice.
9 year old: Really? What does "moron" mean? Is it like a robot? Can a robot be a moron?

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Me: Hey, where's your brother? Is he coming to class today?
6 year old: He is hurt. He is bleed because he is sunat. (sunat means circumcision)
Me: Oh...
6 year old: Do you know sunat Miss?
Me: No, I don't know what that is. 
8 year old: HUH? You don't know sunat Miss? 
*students continue to talk about it for a few seconds*
Me: *feeling kind of uncomfortable and trying to move the conversation on* Remember, we need to speak English here!
8 year old: But I don't know "sunat" in English!
Me: It's okay, it's not important. (meaning it's not essential vocab for an 8 year old)
8 year old: *with a very serious expression* But Miss! Sunat is very important. 

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8 year old: Miss, you have baby in your tummy!
Me: No, I don't!
8 year old: Yes you do! I know!
Me: No, I really don't.
8 year old: My mum says every ladies has baby is her tummy but it's so small.
Umm... no comment....

this brainstorm of "bad behavior at school" by 9 year olds is intense
"a teacher that stop a students dream"

I taught my 8-10 year old students how to use "too" (like "it's too big"). Later when we were doing a reading activity and they asked me what a suit was. When I Googled it I found a picture of a good looking guy in a suit and said "That's my husband." Straight away one of my students yells "He's too handsome, you're too ugly and you need an ugly husband".
It wasn't the nicest thing to say but I'll take the correct usage of 'too' as a compliment to my teaching ability...

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Kid: It is Rasya (points at a ball)
Me: (waves at ball) Hey Rasya, how are you?
Kid: *looks really shocked* Miss! It not Rasya. I joking. It a ball.

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Student: Miss Sam, I prank called EF last week.
Me: What did you say?
Student: I said "This is the FBI"
Me: What did the person who answered say?
Student: I don't know because I was laughing so hard I hung up the phone.
Me: You shouldn't do that again, that's really silly *secretly finds it hilarious*  

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Me: Okay guys, I want you to think of 5 sports that don't use a ball.
Student 1: Is twerking a sport?
Student 2: Badminton? That uses a shuttlecock.
Student 3: Why do they call it badminton then? Why don't they call it cockball?
Me: Um, I'm sure there's a good reason.

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Two students chatting while doing a cut and paste activity.
5 year old 1: Penguins are black and white and they like to eat fish. They are so cute and they are GREAT swimmers. 
5 year old 2: Penguins walk like this *stands up and does a penguin walk*.

5 year old 1:*panicking* We don't have time to talk about penguins! We have so much cutting to do!

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I guess I can't turn my face into my butt either

5 year old: Miss, where can my brother learn letters and numbers?
Me: How old is he?
5 year old: This many! *holds up 4 fingers*
Me: If he is four, he can study here at EF too.
5 year old: Can you tell my mum that?
Me: Why?
5 year old: Sometimes I tell my mum and she doesn't listen. You can tell her.
Me: She might not listen to me either.
5 year old: Hmm... maybe we can tell her together?

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Student: Miss, have you ever been to Indonesia?
Me: Um... where are we right now?
Student: Oh yeah...  

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So, my teacher friends (or anyone that has kids in their lives) what's the most adorable or ridiculous thing you've heard a kid say? 

I'd love to laugh at your stories too.

Thanks for reading guys. Have a great day. ♡