The secret to happiness in Indonesia

I don’t really know who is reading my blog.

Seriously, I don't understand this.

Unless someone says something like “I read your blog last week, that story was weird” I have no idea. But, I can see from the “stats” that people are reading my blog from many different counties. The top countries aside from Indonesia and Australia (which make sense) are the United States (kind of makes sense too), Russia (makes no sense), Israel (????) and Ukraine (huh?). I don’t know who you are (particularly those in the last three countries I mentioned) but maybe my blog is inspiring you, maybe you want weird stuff to happen to you and are thinking of moving to Indonesia and starting your own “Weird Stuff that Happened…” blog (please let me know if it’s true, I’d read that). This post will help prepare you.

Or maybe you are living in Indonesia and still feel confused about how this country works or why (If you ask a lot of “why” questions in this country, I don’t blame you at all). Don't worry, this post will answer most of your questions.

Please let me help you.

You see, there is one thing you can do right now to make your life in Indonesia 9999999999999% less difficult.

It’s simple:

Just accept that it’s going to be complicated. All the time.

because INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

Accepting this fact doesn’t mean you are happy about it. Accepting this means that you are ready for the inevitable. The thing is, things almost never go smoothly. This is true to the point that I often find myself shocked when something happens quickly or without any complications. Don’t waste your energy thinking “Why did this happen? How come it’s like this?” you need this energy to make a plan B (and probably a plan C) when it does go wrong. I’ve accepted those complications as a part of my life. I anticipate them, I expect them, I prepare for them and I react to them with only “I knew that would happen” (and often laughter).

For evidence, let me tell you about a situation that happened just this week.

For the last two weeks I’ve been working in a city just outside Surabaya called Sidoarjo. Sidoarjo is (in my very biased opinion) basically Surabaya’s annoying younger brother. The name “Surabaya” comes from a pretty epic legend about a shark “Suro” and a crocodile “Boyo” fighting to prove who is the strongest. You’ll see these as mascots everywhere and they’re a source of pride for the people in Surabaya. I think someone in Sidoarjo must have decided that it’d be super awesome for them to have cool mascots too. So they decided to cover everything in their city with their own mascots: a prawn and a fish. Well…. Good try at least?

a quick comparison

Anyway, I woke up in Malang on Monday morning (after spending the weekend there, I didn’t just randomly wake up there) and immediately felt depressed that I had to get back to Sidoarjo for work by around 1 PM. According to Google Maps, Malang is 71km from Sidoarjo and it should take 1 hour and 24 minutes by car. Of course I didn’t believe that.

So, I left my friend’s place in Malang at 8:00 by “travel” (which is a kind of shuttle car service that picks up multiple people at different places and drops them at different places). I was hoping it’d take about 3 hours (because I’m more realistic than Google Maps).

By 9:30 AM we had picked up all the passengers and had travelled about a quarter of the distance. At this point we pulled into a petrol station to fuel up. I was in a good mood, sipping coffee, listening to music and chatting to the other ladies in the car. That’s when the driver started to panic. He was trying to start the car and then said something in Javanese that I didn’t understand. He left the car and was running around like a crazy man. I had no idea what was happening but it smelled of complication.

When I asked the lady next to me what was going on, it turned out the attendant at the petrol station had put the wrong fuel in the car and now the car wouldn’t start. Yes, very stupid and very problematic.

One of the ladies was getting the car to Surabaya airport and she was kind of panicking about her flight. I was also panicking, but about my boss. It was only my 6^th day working in Sidoarjo and I was concerned that I’d seem irresponsible if I were to turn up late so quickly.

The driver said that we needed to wait for another car and that he would have to have the petrol pumped from the car. I was kind of thinking “this could take all day” and was trying to decide whether there was another option for getting back and also trying to decide whether I should let my boss know what was going on (but in the end I was too scared to).

That’s when he finally got the car started. The driver proceeded to put the correct petrol in the car. I was thinking “I think you still need to get your car pumped” but also realised that wasn’t my problem. My problem was getting to work on time.

Soon we were back on the road and as we reached the entrance for the tollway at around 10:40, I knew it’d be okay. “Yay, I’m not going to get fired today!” I thought happily as we sped closer and closer to Sidoarjo.

Only, about 20 minutes later and only 20 minutes away from my office came complication number two. Did I expect a second complication? No. Was I surprised? Also, no. 

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

A flat tyre.

We pulled to the side of the road and waited in the shade of a random truck as the driver changed the tyre. I could only laugh at the situation. I snapped some pictures in case I needed to prove this ridiculous experience to my boss. But I was seriously just laughing.

About 30 minutes later we were on the road again.

I was thinking “it’s going to be okay, I’m going to make it by 11:30 and have plenty of time to have lunch and plan my classes”. I just stared out the window and enjoyed the beautiful view of traffic. That’s when for the right window I saw the mall near my temporary house in Sidoarjo. I looked to the left to see the Sidoarjo exit as we passed it.

Suddenly I wasn’t so patient anymore.

“Umm, that’s my exit right? Why didn’t you exit?” I said to the driver who was still sweaty from changing the tyre.

“Oh yea, I should have exited there but I forgot” he said matter-of-factly then added “after I take the others to Surabaya I’ll drive you back there.”

“My boss will kill me!” I said kind of believing it.

So as we exited the toll road I got a completely unnecessary visit to Surabaya.

I asked the driver to just drop me off. I wasn't keen on visiting the airport and I'd long ago given up on him ever getting me to my destination. It wasn’t to be.

So he dropped me at a random petrol station and told me to get a Gojek (motorbike taxi). Of course he still asked me for the full price despite the fact that there’d been a break down, a flat tyre and he had dropped me off at some random place but I didn’t question this because:

 1. I didn’t have time (I NEEDED to be at work)

 2. It’d stress me out to argue with the driver.

And 3. It’d be completely pointless. There was no other option but to pay full price and walk away.

I ordered a Gojek to my office and joined a traffic jam again feeling exhausted.

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

I arrived at my destination (71km from my starting point) at 12:30, after approximately 4 and a half hours of annoyances.

But, it's up to you. How much it annoys you is your decision, overall it’s a choice. You can simplify things by accepting the likeliness that it will be complicated and preparing for it.

Yes, you need to leave ridiculously early.

Yes, you need to pack your work uniform when you go for a weekend away because you don’t know if you’ll have time to go home before work even if you leave ridiculously early.

Yes, you need to laugh. Otherwise you’ll be angry about something you can’t control.

Take the last time I took “travel” from Malang and the driver refused to go into Surabaya. His excuse was that he was scared to go into Surabaya with Malang number plates on his car (there’s seriously no real reason this should be a problem) and told me to order an Uber from near the airport.

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

Take the last two mornings which I spent in a hospital taking a HIV test and a drug test for work. Very routine stuff. But this is Indonesia so it took 5 hours and 2 visits to the hospital. Why?

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

Take every trip to the bank, every train journey, every visit to immigration and every minor health problem.

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

For those of you intending to live in Indonesia, this is your mantra now. Remember it, accept it, live it, love it. Repeat after me:

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

INDONESIA IS COMPLICATED. ALL THE TIME.

Take a deep breath, laugh it off and enjoy your ridiculously complicated life.