If there is one similarity I can draw between all of my dating experiences in Indonesia it is this: things seem to get serious fast. You would think the last thing you’d want to hear on a second or third date would be “I love you” but really… it can be much worse.
I have only had a couple of serious relationships here and those got serious pretty quickly. My second boyfriend Frans* and I only dated for a few months. Within those few months I remember having a conversation about our future children's names. He told me "Langit" (it means ‘sky’) would be a good name for out future son. It totally freaked me out even more that he chose such a strange name.
But don't assume that a relationship requires multiple months to get serious. One month is plenty of time. On the one month anniversary of the first date with one guy he planned a romantic treasure hunt with a couples T-shirt, rose, and cake hidden. Maybe this would be sweet for a (at minimum) one year anniversary gift but not for anything else.
But really you don't even need to waste your time dating someone to get that super creepy over the top experience! Actually you don't even need to pay attention to them at all!
Last year, Toni*, started working as a cleaner at my school. I said hello to him and smiled each day. It’s how I treat anyone in my workplace. He asked for my number one day and I didn’t see it as a problem because we worked together. He began to send me SMS’s for no reason- have you had breakfast? What are you doing? or Happy Saturday night. So many pointless messages. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him I did. It was just after I started dating Frans. One day, the cleaner messaged me and said “are you sure that Frans is the one you want to marry?”. Of course I wasn’t, we had been dating for a month or two. I think because I answered no to this question, Toni still thought he had a chance. He continued to message me regularly, when I worked at another school he came to find me there. He waited outside of my classroom and watched me teach for hours. He gave me a glass bracelet and a rose and invited me out to malls or to his house constantly. Even months after I stopped replying to his texts he still sends stuff such as a picture of him at work, a picture of him with a cat and a quote about how he will always be there for me even if I ignore him. And all this began from just giving someone my phone number.
Now you might ask, what actually would happen if you did reply to someone's messages after they had crossed the line? What would happen if you agreed to go on a date with someone like that? Don't worry. I have the answers.
When I met Kevin* I had no interest in him whatsoever. He seemed super creepy. We started chatting on Facebook and as I got to know him, I realised he was okay. He did occasionally push the limits though. One Saturday night Kevin was talking to me about a new burger place that had opened up near my house. He asked me if I wanted a burger and when I declined he sent me a phone number saying I could use it at any time to order food from this burger place. He told me that I could SMS my order and directions to my house. I was a little suspicious because usually you can't order food via SMS. So, I saved the number to my phone and sure enough, the Whatsapp contact picture was him.
Eventually, I agreed to go on a date with him (now I don’t really know why). It went okay though he seemed much more serious about the whole thing from the beginning and he was quite concerned that I wouldn't want to go on a second date. A few of our chats after that were a little strange. He asked why I was "wasting" so much money on travel and how much money I had saved up to buy a house.
Not long after that I was due to go home to Australia and Kevin offered to drive me to the airport. In the car, he seemed a bit worried.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I have to save 100 million rupiah" (approx. AU$10,000) he said.
"What?" I replied "why do you need so much money?"
"So I can pay NOAH to perform at our wedding." He replied casually.
Huh? We had been on one date!
We cut contact not long after that. He had told me that he had fallen in love with me at first sight (which I don’t believe in at all). I told him I wasn't sure about things at all. He accused me of neglecting him. I accused him of smothering me. I guess we both reached the conclusion that we were too different (well I hope he has reached that conclusion anyway).
What I have concluded so far from my dating experiences here (though I don't want to generalise because I haven't dated every Indonesian guy {yet}) is that it is going to get serious. You won't have time to think about whether things are going well or not. Before you realise that you are in a committed relationship you will be talking about weddings and houses and babies.
Thank you guys for supporting my blog, I can't believe it but last week I went over 1,000 views. Thanks so much for reading these ridiculous stories!
I have only had a couple of serious relationships here and those got serious pretty quickly. My second boyfriend Frans* and I only dated for a few months. Within those few months I remember having a conversation about our future children's names. He told me "Langit" (it means ‘sky’) would be a good name for out future son. It totally freaked me out even more that he chose such a strange name.
But don't assume that a relationship requires multiple months to get serious. One month is plenty of time. On the one month anniversary of the first date with one guy he planned a romantic treasure hunt with a couples T-shirt, rose, and cake hidden. Maybe this would be sweet for a (at minimum) one year anniversary gift but not for anything else.
But really you don't even need to waste your time dating someone to get that super creepy over the top experience! Actually you don't even need to pay attention to them at all!
Last year, Toni*, started working as a cleaner at my school. I said hello to him and smiled each day. It’s how I treat anyone in my workplace. He asked for my number one day and I didn’t see it as a problem because we worked together. He began to send me SMS’s for no reason- have you had breakfast? What are you doing? or Happy Saturday night. So many pointless messages. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him I did. It was just after I started dating Frans. One day, the cleaner messaged me and said “are you sure that Frans is the one you want to marry?”. Of course I wasn’t, we had been dating for a month or two. I think because I answered no to this question, Toni still thought he had a chance. He continued to message me regularly, when I worked at another school he came to find me there. He waited outside of my classroom and watched me teach for hours. He gave me a glass bracelet and a rose and invited me out to malls or to his house constantly. Even months after I stopped replying to his texts he still sends stuff such as a picture of him at work, a picture of him with a cat and a quote about how he will always be there for me even if I ignore him. And all this began from just giving someone my phone number.
Now you might ask, what actually would happen if you did reply to someone's messages after they had crossed the line? What would happen if you agreed to go on a date with someone like that? Don't worry. I have the answers.
When I met Kevin* I had no interest in him whatsoever. He seemed super creepy. We started chatting on Facebook and as I got to know him, I realised he was okay. He did occasionally push the limits though. One Saturday night Kevin was talking to me about a new burger place that had opened up near my house. He asked me if I wanted a burger and when I declined he sent me a phone number saying I could use it at any time to order food from this burger place. He told me that I could SMS my order and directions to my house. I was a little suspicious because usually you can't order food via SMS. So, I saved the number to my phone and sure enough, the Whatsapp contact picture was him.
Eventually, I agreed to go on a date with him (now I don’t really know why). It went okay though he seemed much more serious about the whole thing from the beginning and he was quite concerned that I wouldn't want to go on a second date. A few of our chats after that were a little strange. He asked why I was "wasting" so much money on travel and how much money I had saved up to buy a house.
Not long after that I was due to go home to Australia and Kevin offered to drive me to the airport. In the car, he seemed a bit worried.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I have to save 100 million rupiah" (approx. AU$10,000) he said.
"What?" I replied "why do you need so much money?"
"So I can pay NOAH to perform at our wedding." He replied casually.
Huh? We had been on one date!
We cut contact not long after that. He had told me that he had fallen in love with me at first sight (which I don’t believe in at all). I told him I wasn't sure about things at all. He accused me of neglecting him. I accused him of smothering me. I guess we both reached the conclusion that we were too different (well I hope he has reached that conclusion anyway).
What I have concluded so far from my dating experiences here (though I don't want to generalise because I haven't dated every Indonesian guy {yet}) is that it is going to get serious. You won't have time to think about whether things are going well or not. Before you realise that you are in a committed relationship you will be talking about weddings and houses and babies.
Thank you guys for supporting my blog, I can't believe it but last week I went over 1,000 views. Thanks so much for reading these ridiculous stories!
*All fake names
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